Disclaimer: I am a washed up senior giving freshmen the scoop on Duke hook up culture. If you’d rather not know, stop reading. If you’re an old-timer like me, read on and soak up the memories. If you’re curious, beware, it’s not as pretty as it looks in the brochures.
Dear my lovely (tiny) freshmen (freshmeat),
I’m sure you have a slew of misconceptions and preconceptions about Duke dating culture. I mean, with all the scandals and power points surfacing in the news from this lively and social elite institution, your mind must be racing.
Many people would say that there is no “dating culture” at Duke. I disagree. Dukies are just as susceptible to spring fever as any other university student. Our dating culture is just a little bit different because it is better known as the Duke “hookup culture.” Regardless of who you are, where you’ve been, and where you come from, the term “hook up” will become immediately and brutally clear upon your entrance into Duke’s social scene.
Hook up (h-oo-k up): anything from making out to having sexual intercourse with another Duke student, or maybe even some random. The term is often used loosely to indicate that you have sucked face with someone. However, the term is used deliberately when talking about sex.
So, because you are young and I am wise, because you don’t know and I do know, because you’re innocent, and because I lost my innocence a long time ago, the Dating Duchess is here to dispel those foolish and nasty myths you might have heard about the Duke hook up/dating culture as well as to affirm those facts you may have heard about us sexually active, hormonal, open-minded, Blue Devils. Come, young one: sit, and be educated.
Myth #1: You’ll never meet your boyfriend at a party.
Wise up. At Duke, most couples meet their other half at a party/social function on or off campus. Yes, the boys at the parties are not necessarily boyfriend material…but neither are the ones sitting on their computers in Perkins on a Saturday night. Use your head and lose this misconception.
Parties are the perfect place to scope out your one true love. Because let’s be real, who has time to look for love when you’re trying to a) figure out where your classes are, b) are running out of food points, and c) are making the transition from high school breeze to college siege. You’ll realize quickly that as a freshman, weekdays are for work and weekends are for fun. Don’t worry though, as you get older you’ll engage in the Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday rage-a-thon that is a staple at Duke. But hey, you’re a freshman and you have to pay your dues. So, expect to rage Friday and Saturday and don’t shrug off that guy who’s hitting on you on your first night at Duke. Who knows- he may become your bf.
Myth #2: Girls who go to Shooters just want to hook up.
See, there’s this thing called dancing, right? And the thing about dancing is that girls love it. And the thing about girls who love dancing is that they often find themselves at venues where dancing is promoted and encouraged. And the closest venue is Shooters. Just because a girl is raging in the cage or on the dance floor does not mean she wants to hook up. A girl can shake her body all she wants and unless she’s given you eye contact, DO NOT put your hands on her without asking if she wants to dance. Shooters is the perfect place to do this. Limbs are everywhere. It’s hot and steamy and you’re wasted. But girls aren’t “teasing you” just because they’re dancing at Shooters and won’t hook up with you. They’re actually just doing what girls do, having fun and dancing. And ladies, if a guy ever pulls out the whole, “but we were just having such a good time at Shooters” routine after you shoot him down, remind him, “No, honey, I was just having a good time at Shooters. Later.”
Myth #3: Duke guys aren’t looking for any long-term commitments, just sex
It might be hard to believe, but Duke men actually are looking for commitment. It just might take them three years to figure that out. You will encounter many a manwhore, a douche bag, and a cheater at Duke. But after a couple years of this immature behavior, junior year arrives and all of a sudden the collective Duke male boner stops short. They realize all at once that they don’t just want to have sex anymore. They want someone to cuddle them, someone who will scratch their back and head, someone that will study with them in the library, someone who isn’t a bro that they can hang out with all the time and maybe even love. They all crumble, slowly but surely. Don’t believe the worst in everyone and trust me, every guy comes around. Which leads me to…
Myth #3.5: If you hook up early into your relationship he’ll never consider you girlfriend material
False. I know a lot of couples that actually hooked up the first night they met and then just never stopped hooking up because they liked each other so much. Love can start with lust and at Duke there is a plethora of lust so there’s gotta be some love floating around in there too. Hooking up at Duke is generally considered casual, so it’s rare that anyone will judge you for hooking up with someone and then deciding to date them. That’s actually how the cycle goes: you hook up, you keep hooking up, you stop seeing anyone else, you lose all your friends, you start dating, and you live happily ever after.
Fact #1: Senior boys will creep on freshmen girls.
Ladies. No. No. They don’t actually want to date you. I’m sorry I’m not sorry. If a senior boy hasn’t nailed down a hottie in his 3 years at Duke that means he has no reason not to go after an innocent, impressionable freshman girl for fun and games, giggles and heartbreak (yours that is, he doesn’t have one). So get off your “A Senior Likes Me” Pedestal and sit back down on the ground of reality: he just wants to get in your itty bitty panties. He’s got nothing to lose and you have everything to lose, so don’t waste your time. Go dancing or something, just stay away from these bros.
Fact #2: Lasting Relationships do occur at Duke, contrary to popular belief
What?? Actual relationships at Duke?? Why do you think there are so many wedding pictures being taken in the gardens? Because people have found love at Duke. You’ll start to notice by the end of your sophomore year/beginning of junior year that everyone who’s anyone is starting to couple up. Don’t get left behind in the shuffle of hooking up with as many people as you can. College is the perfect place to find your future mate and life partner. What other time will you be surrounded by high achieving people all within your age group in the prime of their 20-year-old bodies? And who really wants to go out and date in the real world anyway? Because we’re all such maniacs about success, if you tie the knot with another Dukie you’re almost guaranteed a life of happiness and money. Yay. Don’t worry, it will happen. One day you’ll just find him. One day you’ll wake up and you’ll know.
Fact #3: You will never have to deal with the guys you made out with during O-Week again
So you made out with like 5 guys you just met during O-Week. Big deal. (But actually, score, go you!) Don’t fret, the fact is that you’ll probably never have to deal with these guys ever again. In fact, you probably don’t even remember their names. Who’s to say you’ll remember their faces and that they’ll even remember yours? Sure, Duke has a small campus. But your encounters with your O-week memories, if there are any, will be ten times less awkward than you worry about in your head. It will go down like this: You’re walking towards Social Sciences. He’s walking away from Social Sciences. It’s 11:20am. Class has just let out all over campus. You pass each other with not so much as a glance. Life goes on.
Fact #4: Your girls won’t stab you in the back and hook up with your guy (unless they’re psycho)
Like I said, Duke is a small school. Everyone gets to know everyone or at least has heard of everyone very quickly. This being said, it’s very likely that your girlfriends won’t have the audacity to hook up with your boyfriend, steal your man, or break your heart. And if she does? Word will spread and soon. She’ll be the psycho that stabbed you in the back. And if you meet a b*tch that goes after your man and your heart, she must be psycho because a) there are plenty of guys to go around and b) you’re prettier than her and c) your now ex-boyfriend will just leave her for the next psycho girl that comes around because he’s just that dumb. Plus, if Duke girls were going around stabbing each other in the back, who would they dance with at Shooters? Who would they share loyo with? Who would they go to when their latest fling turns out to be a douche bag? Leave the screwing to the guys, Duke girls got class.
These are just a few of the myths and facts you might encounter on Duke’s campus in the future. Good luck and happy flirting!
Xoxo
The Dating Duchess