We’ve all been there. Whether just broken off from a two year relationship, finally said no to serial dating the no-good-for-you types, or in a full out glorious chocolate-indulging ‘dry spell’ of dating (for the past, ahem, year or so,) living the single life can be mope-worthy and just plain dreary if you don’t know how to see it in the right light.
Finding love is still possible. Now, I’m not talking that mushy-gushy “No you hang up first,” “No you hang up first,” smother you type of love (Valentine’s Day is coming up, so you energetic lovebirds save your energies for that one day when it’s okay to overdose on saccharine sweetness.) I’m talking about finding love with yourself—think of this as your chance to take a break from the hectic schedule of dating, dressing up, and the endless primping, pruning, (and goodness knows what else) to just figure out what really makes you happy. And doing all of those things to impress a guy? Please. Do those things because you want to, not because you think everyone else will approve.
Sometimes it’s good to give up on this idea of attracting the attention of the cute guy in your Spanish class by always wearing the right combination between “I spent an hour putting together this look,” and “Oh, this old thing? I just threw it on.” Instead, put on something unique and easy to wear. An outfit should feel effortless, just like being in a proper relationship. When something takes a lot of energy to maintain (guy or pair of painted-on, suction-cup jeans) then you know something’s not quite right. And do you think those guys stress over what to wear in the morning or getting their groovy hairstyle on? You are smart collegiettes—figure it out.
And while you’re at it, take the time you would have spent trying to figure out that awkward attempt to accidentally-on-purpose bump into Señor Caliente, or drop your pencil in front of his desk, or seem demure, coy, coquettish, flirty, and (my how this list rolls on!) all at the same time, and simply don’t. Just be yourself, and more importantly be happy with who you are. Trust me, he’ll notice. Being comfortable in your own shoes is hot. Not making him the center of your world is hotter. (He’ll want you more if he realizes you pose a challenge!)
Take it from an epically single girl. (Approaching twenty without my first real relationship, oh my!) I’ve had enough time to figure things out by watching the struggles of my ‘taken’ friends over the years.) Or don’t. Take it from the many collegiettes who have found happiness in both their single lives and in their dating lives. The secret to unlocking the mysterious and hard-to-find “perfect relationship?” Why love of course. Loving yourself, that is.
It turns out, you can have your cake and eat it too. Because once you learn how to love yourself, totally and wholly, quirks and all, then you will be able to find someone else who can too. Once you’re comfortable enough to realize exactly what you want, then you’ll stop wasting your time and start finding something worth your while. At the very least, you’ll be able to take a breather. At the most, you will have found an epic romance, just as my man Oscar Wilde once wrote, “To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance.”
Now, I understand, nobody wants to be the cat lady. But taking a break from the dating life doesn’t automatically mean you’ll end up with fifteen feline friends. It just means you have more options. Here are a few pointers to make the most out of your ‘time off’ from dating.
- Spend time with your (okay, admit it—sometimes neglected) girlfriends! Being in a demanding relationship often means sacrificing time with your friends. So go ahead, grab that OPI nail polish, find some caramel popcorn, and pop in a chic flick (Hallelujah, a reprieve from action films!)
- Rejuvenate. Being in a relationship often means you furnish much of your energy on the other person. Concentrate on yourself, for once. Get a mani, go to the new Turbo-Kick class you’ve been dying to try, or just curl up with an enjoyable book. You deserve it.
- Remember that hobby you used to have? You know, the one besides “Date Night” and phone-a-thons with Mr. (Not) Right? Try finding your way back to it. Pick up guitar, channel your inner chef, or just catch up on all the shows you’ve missed since being ‘committed.’
- Have a Single Night on the Town. You’ll be able to taste the freedom by having more than one dance partner and not having to answer to one guy the whole night. And go ahead, eat the entire dessert. (Splitting your chocolate cake? Psssht! No way.) How’s the freedom taste? Like chocolate and tango ;)
Hopefully, these are some tips you will enjoy AND keep in mind for when you start to date again. Remember collegiettes, your happiness is important. Don’t forget it!
Have any tips for single girls, taken girls, or anyone in between? Please feel free to leave a comment below.
Photocredit: http://www.kathywyatt.com/illustration/fashion/images/LIPS.jpg