Advisors, friends, family, and so many other people select this question when they complete their regular check-ups. So here’s the roadmap for generating the perfect, happy and healthy, but not too suspiciously happy, response:
1. Did you have high expectations for college?
A. Umm, yes!!! Been dreaming about since middle school. I’ve had plans for parties and clubs and research flourishing with their tv show fertilizer. If this is you, go to number 3.
B. Nah, I’ve tried to not set too many expectations so that I wouldn’t be disappointed or surprised. If this is you, go to Response A.
2. It really sucks to not have your reality match your dreams. With everyone appearing to already have a complete friend group on Snapchat, it becomes even more discouraging. But let’s try looking at something else: how’s the ever-present GPA?
A. It’s going really well. It’s work because it’s Duke, but I am not utterly crushed. Let’s go for Response B.
B. Well, thanks for bringing up even more depressing topics. Many apologies. Try Response D.
3. Evaluation one: How’s the social scene?
A. Couldn’t be happier! Exactly what I hoped for! I have so many wonderful friends and social events crowd my schedule. If this is you, move to question 4.
B. Disappointed. I was dreaming of more honestly. Everyone says you find your closest friends in college, and I’m just not seeing them anywhere. If this is you, go to question 2.
C. Pleasantly surprised. I thought I would never actually find people who I enjoy the company of in college either because of negative high school experiences or because nobody could rival my high school friends. If this is you, go to question 4.
4. Yay for you! Now, how’s it going balancing being a social butterfly and a student?
A. Should I be struggling? I make it look flawless. Nah, in all seriousness, there have been some bumps and lower than hoped for grades, but I am surviving. Fantastic, look to Response C.
B. Midterm grades did not go to parents, right? You may be kind of bombing a class or two or three or four right now. Or, you may actually being doing okay but just feel really disappointed that you’re not doing better. Try out response D.
Response A: This is great! Instead struggling to make something up on the spot, just be honest and admit, “I did not form a lot of expectations so I don’t really have an answer for that question”. Of course, if you won Master Improvers Junior at age eight, feel free to spin a delicious tale of Disney perfection or plot twist souffle.
Response B: Well, let’s highlight the good stuff with “My grades are pretty good, and I am happy with my classes. Duke hasn’t met all my expectations, but I’m not failing”. Of course, if the person asking the question is someone you trust, you may want to open up a little bit more. Always make sure you are talking to someone.
Response C: “Everything meets my expectations. I had many preconceptions about college and while it has been difficult at times overall my friends make it worth it and my studies are typically interesting.” Make sure you hint at some problems (because everyone has them) especially if you don’t want to tell your Niagara Falls of little problems to this certain person who may become questioning if you seem “too cheery”. But make sure you are telling all the struggles in your life to someone.
Response D: Make sure you talk to people who can help you like your advisor and open up to them about your struggles. They really can help you. But for other people who you don’t want to know too much “It hasn’t quite met my expectations, but it’s going fairly well” may be a good response for you.