Nothing grinds my gears more than a dirty dorm bathroom. I really don’t care what anyone has to say, it’s gross and disgusting. It blows my mind that people aren’t ashamed of the state of their dorm bathroom. I could understand if it were a bathroom that you didn’t frequent often, but in a 99.9% of cases of nasty bathrooms it’s the bathroom in your hall! Therefore, I decided to unleash all of my angst and rage in an article aimed to teach people how to be clean bathroom goers.
Firstly, let’s discuss the progenitor of smells, messes, and worse: trashcans. One thing I hope people realize is the idea of a full trashcan. I don’t know if you’re so thirsty to throw your trash away that you add to the mountainous pile, subsequently leaving everything you just threw away on the floor. No honey, you didn’t throw your trash away, you just put it all on the floor (kthx). When the trashcan is full, you DO NOT add to it. You’re making a huge mess for no reason other than your laziness to walk to another trashcan, conveniently located in your common room, kitchen, or even designated trash rooms in many hallways.
Let’s not forget trashcans number one fan: food! That delicious meal you ordered from where-the-fuck-ever probably smelt amazing when you ate it but now it’s a festering hunk of nasty stinking up the bathroom. Please dear Lord; find a better place to throw away your trash. Enclosed spaces where you GET CLEAN should not also house perishable trash that smell mad janky. I won’t spend too much time on trashcans but please be cognizant of the housekeeping schedule. Housekeepers usually come in the morning and they don’t come during the weekends. Therefore, it would make perfect sense to empty your dorm trashcan between Monday and Thursday because trash thrown away on Friday spends three whole days putrefying in the bathroom adding to the overall stank of the bathroom.
You can’t discuss bathrooms without talking about showers and toilets. They’re kind of the purpose of a bathroom. I haven’t seen too many horrible showers, except for the ridiculous amount of hair leftover! If it looks like your hair, walks like your hair, and talks like your hair, THEN IT’S PROBABLY YOUR HAIR! Come on; let’s be real here. You know that’s your hair and you know you’re being lazy by not cleaning up after yourself. Being clean is a way of life. You should never stop aiming for cleanliness. Therefore, fellas if you can’t aim, then SIT! There is no reason for the bathroom to become your personal marking territory. I’ve seen dogs with better aim. If you are too proud to sit, then get some cheerios and start practicing when you’re home. I’m dead serious #nojokes.
Another thing about bathrooms are surprises. Nobody likes them! While you’re on the porcelain throne, please have the decency to courtesy flush before and double flush afterward (if needed). Dear environmentalists, I realize that I am destroying the environment but your poo is destroying my nose. The fish don’t smell your poop, sadly I do and it stinks. So be a good neighbor and give the toilet a flush.
The school year is over but don’t forget you can take these strong words of advice with you into the summer. You never know, you might get a job/internship because you’re friendly stall neighbor was so impressed with your toileting skills. Well maybe not an environmentalist, but most people will be thoroughly impressed!