On paper – specifically, my resume- I look pretty prepped for the real world. I, like many of my fellow classmates, have spent the last three summers fluffing up my LinkedIn connects, becoming well versed in nine-to-five lingo – WFO, OOO, CEO, no acronym gets by this gal- and not to brag, but I’ve pretty much mastered the art of cranking out a fresh deck should the need arise (oh yes, I said deck alright.)
However, back on three-dimensional terms, “real world” if you will, there are a few areas in which I could still use some sprucing up. For example…what’s a good starting salary for an entry-level job? What’s a terrible salary for an entry-level job? How do I negotiate a job offer? How do I get a job offer? How do I decide what city I want to live in? How do I buy an apartment in a city I’ve never been to? How much do apartments even cost? Do I need renter’s insurance? What is renters insurance? How do I file my taxes? How do I fill out a tax return form? Why has no one ever taught me anything about taxes? How many exclamation points is too many in an email? How do I budget a paycheck that’s more than $15 an hour? How much should a week of groceries cost? Do I need to start taking vitamins now? When do I need to start investing? How do I invest? What do I invest in? What’s a 401k? Do I have one? Should I be saving for retirement? Do I need to freeze my eggs now or later? How do I work for the next fifty years without summer break? What really happens if it says hand wash but I put it in the washer anyway???
…. Just to name a few things I need to brush up on.
But there is one question that truly outweighs the rest that I simply cannot wrap my head around; how the fuck do people just graduate every year and merely become real people sans mental break/ quarter life crises/ crawling under the covers of their childhood comforters and vowing to never come out???? I recently discussed said qualms with some wise and lovely friends two years my elders over brunch – because where else can we partake in the great pleasure of divulging such fears and feelings and indulging on home fries at the same time? Their answer to my above question: They don’t. You just don’t see that part. Unsure whether this made me feel better or worse, the revelation certainly gave me pause. Now, this isn’t the part of the story where I discuss and critique the many ways in which today’s self-expression via social media fails to represent the real, behind-the-scenes, or anything-shy-of-perfect parts of our lives, because, you know, what else is new. It reminded me of the way entering college was painted by our predecessors who came back for Thanksgiving break a little more round in the face and happy to detail a highlight reel of tailgates, roommates, and the freedom to drink on any weeknight they so desired (drunk on a Tuesday?? That’s crazy!) Nary a mention of the loneliness of starting in a new place with zero friends and a need to constantly prove why you’re cool enough to deserve them or that sometimes your roommate will have sex in the room when she thinks you’re asleep and you have an 8:30 in the morning. No, these were the details we had to discover all for ourselves while we simultaneously posted photos of our new besties in jungle attire holding solo cups for the next gen to ogle over and yearn for.
So let’s be a little more candid this go around, shall we? I’ll start. I am so beyond freaked out for whatever insanity happens after May 2019 and that’s with some work experience, a general ability to find my way around a new city, cook, grocery shop, and save money, and the safety net of parents who will financially support me through the learning curve of it all. It bewilders me how many aspects of our lives change after graduation – the last time we weren’t in a formal classroom setting was before we could put on our own socks and our little clutching grip had to be peeled from around our moms’ legs one finger at a time, which is a pretty spot-on depiction of how I currently see myself being unwillingly wrenched into the unknown ahead. How do I deal with the paradoxically paralyzing fact that I have the privilege and capability to go literally anywhere I want and yet the thought of my bedroom becoming a spare storage unit is enough to erase all aspirations of venturing into a new city and this new chapter? Change is nothing new, and we’re even vets at graduations by this point, however this time around we aren’t heading full speed ahead into a period universally deemed by those who peeked too early as “The Best Four Years of Our Lives!”
But maybe (just maybe), this will all go down like it did 4 years ago, when the thought of my last CHS football game and living more than 4 houses from my best friend was nearly too much to bear. And it was too much to bear… until it wasn’t. Until the idea of being awake, dressed, and ready for seven hours of learning by 7:30 am had truly lost its charm. And the fact that maintaining my GPA depended on my participation in mile trials really didn’t make me jump for joy like it used to. And prom, aka the best night of our young lives, managed to lose some of its enchantment when accompanied by the stress of planning it. So somehow despite the overwhelming pain of change to the tune of Vitamin C’s Graduation, we managed to accept, even yearn, for the next chapter. And then out of the ashes of our senior superlatives and childhood homes came something new and wonderful- a little too wonderful if you ask me because now I can’t fucking leave! I can only hope the same silent and unexpected acceptance lies somewhere out there come spring when I’m suddenly like so totally over frat parties and bewildered by the fact that I’m not paid to get out of bed every morning and show up somewhere. And perhaps once May rolls around, and not a second sooner, I am feeling a bittersweet and satisfying closure on this era and ready to spread my diploma clasping wings and fly into the sunshine. Or something magical like that.