As a young female, have you ever been asked this by a young male, while in a compromising situation? Should this be asked more often?
BBC’s recent documentary, entitled ‘Is it rape?’ caused fireworks of debate. The show played a video constructed from real rape cases by a criminal barrister. The story revolved around a young girl who accused a boy who she knew of forcing her to perform a sexual act. The case was complex as she didn’t consent to the act, nor did she tell him to stop. The two also had a history together and both had been drinking on the night of the event.
The video was played to a mixed group of teenagers who were then asked questions about what they thought had actually happened, including the most important question… is it rape? The results were varied and many could not decide over whether the boy had committed an actual act of rape or not. So, in theory, a group of people actually saw the lead up to the act, what happened and the aftermath basically first hand. They still could not decide what was the truth or more importantly how to define it. So, how on earth is a court meant to make a decision based on second hand evidence and word alone? This, as the show points out, is the problem in society today.
The story was split into three segments. After the first segment, some of the girls on the show were actually the most insistant that the boy had not committed an actual crime. Phrases such as ‘it happens all the time’ and ‘I have mates at home who would do that’, and even, ‘he was drunk and she didn’t say no’, were put forward, not by the boys, but the girls. As they saw the story develop, and the young girl was humiliated in court, ‘slut-shamed’ in front of a jury for simply speaking out, it became clear to everyone why cases like this do happen all the time and are rarely reported. Obviously there is a huge difference between a boy drunk at a party, who makes a mistake and a violent and cruel criminal. It is terrible to think they might be given the same label. But it is also important that boys are aware of how important it is that both partners are “into it”, as the documentary shows.
Girls are so often told not to walk home alone and not to dress too scantily outside, therefore why are young men not told to be more careful about consent? There is, at the moment an idea in society that girls should simply accept that boys will push them to go further than they want to and not take no for an answer. This by no means implies that all boys do this as most decent, normal guys definitely don’t! However, if some young males do behave inappropriately or sexually aggressively towards girls, it is not addressed as a serious issue; it has become the norm.
And this is what the team at GoodLad are trying to change.
Good Lad is a scheme developed by a group of Oxford boys who visit unis all over the country and provide workshops. The workshops discuss, with groups of both male and female students, various scenarios in which a girl might feel threatened or uncomfortable by what we might call generic “Lad” behaviour. More importantly they discuss what Good Lads can do to prevent and dissolve a situation in which a girl might be affected by another male’s behaviour. The team also talk about how ‘Lad culture’ doesn’t have to be negative towards females; it can actually help. If it is culturally unacceptable to behave in a certain way towards young women then males in general will change their attitude, in order to fit the social norm.
The whole idea of the Good Lad workshop is on the same wave length as BBC’s “Is it rape?” It’s about making everyone in society aware of the things we are “putting up with” that we simply shouldn’t.The documentary has done a great job in bringing this issue to the surface and looking at it properly. It’s important to look at issues such as this with a positive mind: how can we improve it?
It can’t all be left to the boys. “Girl” culture also needs to develop and make young women confident to take control of their own bodies and not give in to pressure. Girls should ask themselves “Am I okay with this?” If both genders work together to make a positive change, then this issue could be resolved.
Good Lad have recently visited St Chad’s college and will soon be running workshops in colleges all over Durham. If you missed the documentary, be sure to check it out on BBC catch up.