It’s the middle of term and you’re probably knee-deep in stress about your deadlines, – without having started any – commitments you cannot uphold and feeling like everyone around you is doing so much better at university than you are. I’m here to reassure you that feeling like you don’t quite know what you’re doing is quite normal during this time of the year, so don’t despair.
Remember that it is healthy to understand and accept that not everything is under your control. University can be very challenging in a multitude of ways: you may be struggling to adjust to the open structure of lectures and independent work, or you may see your self-image changing because of the challenges and questions you are confronted with. The freedom that university gives you to shape your time and future can be stressful if you try to resist it by refusing to allow it to challenge your ideas, visions for the future and self-image. In order to grow we need to be challenged, and sometimes challenge comes from relinquishing control. Embrace the chaos and everything will seem rosier.
Having said that, there is no harm in respectfully backing out of commitments you cannot uphold. Prioritising is key here. It’s much easier and less uncomfortable for all involved if you can cut out smaller commitments than big ones. If you signed up for far too many societies and sports in freshers’ week, now is the time to consider whether it might be more enjoyable to focus on just one or two extra-curriculars, rather than five sporadic ones. If you are stressed now, just imagine what madness you will be entering once your assignments are due in!
Try not to talk about assignments and studying with other people. Everyone works with a different schedule and some people perform better when they spread out their work than others. Your friend may have been sending you Snapchats from the library every day, but you don’t know how hard they have really been working. Know your style of working and remain confident that it will get you through as it has up until this point.
Don’t let the career fairs and grad scheme talks intimidate you. Inevitably, you will meet people there who claim to have always known what they want to do in life. Although it is helpful to stay up to date on information about your possible future career, remember that there are other ways for you to succeed besides the standard long-term application processes. It’s very difficult to pretend that consulting is your passion when you don’t even really know what it is yet! Your time at university is full of opportunities to learn what you are interested in and try out new things – there is no need to rush and mold yourself into the person you think you should want to be. The truth is that most of us don’t really know what we’re doing or where we’re going. And that’s totally okay.
University can be tough because in order to get here most of us have had to be very successful and dedicated in school and otherwise. Tertiary education creates a kind of bubble where you are more likely to feel inadequate, as you are being compared to peers who are similar to you. However, you need to keep in mind that you are already doing the right thing by being here. Having said that, your success shouldn’t be a matter of comparison. You have come to university to learn and grow, and this has nothing to do with the success of other people.
It can be discouraging to receive a lower grade than expected or feel like you aren’t succeeding quite like your peers are. An important lesson to be learnt here is that people will always be better than you. You aren’t here to be the best, because if you were, there would be nothing left for you to learn. If you feel like you are not quite succeeding because you are behind on reading and lectures, this is the perfect time to realise that and do something about it. It’s never too late to catch up. Something I like to do that helps me feel in control again is to impose a reading week for myself, since many of us don’t get one at Durham.
Once you leave university you will have plenty of time to live a structured life. For now, enjoy yourself, breathe and brave it. We are all here because we deserve to be, including you! The most important part of adulting is winging it, and we’re all doing just that. Wear your uncertainty proudly, it means you’re on the right track!
Image Credits:
https://www.pinterest.co.uk/pin/72972456442721530/