Don’t get me wrong, being single is not always a walk in the park, especially around this time of year. All of your friends are in committed relationships. Another Valentines Day has come, and you are single. Or maybe this is your first Valentines Day being a free woman. Either way it has challenges, regardless I think love should be celebrated.
“You need to love yourself and yourself one hundred percent before you can actually love someone else”. – Christina Perri
Walking around in the dining hall yesterday I saw one of my friends and waved. As I grew closer he yelled, “Happy single awareness day”. The day before one of my friends had said, “Can’t wait to receive nothing on Valentine’s Day.” I wanted to jump into defense and explain that the meaning of Valentines Day goes far beyond being in a relationship of a significant other, but I refrained. I love Valentines Day, and I always have. Seeing happy couples smile, or just hearing a friend tell me they love me has always been a beautiful holiday for me. Yet, after my encounter with my friend I realized not everyone sees Valentines Day as a positive thing. In our culture it is normal to be in and out of relationships like we are in and out of a pair of socks. If we are not in a relationship, it is seen as though there is something “wrong” with us. We must have done something wrong because no one is buying us chocolates, flowers, or balloons. We must not deserve them. These are things that society says about single women. This is what my friend was feeling; the sociocultural pressure to be in a relationship. But let me tell you, Valentines Day is more than just a day to celebrate your boyfriend or girlfriend. It is a day to celebrate all those who love you and all of those you love. Let me explain why.
“Whatever God or whatever higher power you believe in, they brought us to this earth in a perfect way, and you have to learn to love yourself. Otherwise, it’s an exhausting way to be”. – Callie Thorne
St. Valentine was a Catholic saint and a martyr who was murdered during the rein of Claudius. St. Valentine was imprisoned for marrying Christian couples and aiding Christians who were being persecuted in Rome. He was beaten, imprisoned, stoned, and beheaded. That is something that Hallmark won’t tell you. He died fighting for love, which is why we celebrate this day. He is considered to be the Patron Saint for couples, bee keepers, engaged couples, epilepsy, fainting, greetings, happy marriages, love, lovers, plague, travellers, and young people. Basically he was the Saint of Lovers.
“Loving is not just looking at each other, it’s looking in the same direction.” – Antoine de Saint Exupery
Now while not having a significant other can be exacerbated on Valentines Day, there is a lot more going on here. We have the right to choose who we want to marry, spend our lives with, or whether or not we decide to have children. This freedom to marry and freedom to love is why we celebrate. Even if you do not have someone in your life right not you have the choice to marry whoever you wish. This is what St. Valentine fought for; the freedom to love. Think about how much your parents, friends, and family love you. Not only did St. Valentine emphasize loving those who love you, but to love strangers and to show kindness. What a reason to celebrate?!
“I want to tell women that you need to love yourself and make yourself a priority. Its only when you are happy yourself, can you make everyone else around you happy. I am still a dreamer and still believe in fairy tales, but there is only that much one should give another person. You need to keep something for yourself”.
-Bipasha Basu
Tips for being positive about Valentines Day
1.)Realize all of those who love you
There are so many people who care and love you. They might not buy you chocolate or flowers but they love you. The friend who helped you get a wine stain out of your white satin blouse showed an act of love. Your other friend who helped you move into your apartment two hours away showed an act of love. Love does not necessarily mean buying but doing.
2.)Stay off of social media
Not saying that you must stay completely off social media all day, but don’t let the emotional sappy posts get to you. They were all over my news feed. None of us really know the intertwining’s of someone else’s relationship. They could have a horrible relationship behind closed doors. Never compare yourself to anyone else. Your time will come.
3.)Treat yourself
Love yourself. If there is a drink or snack you really want to eat-do it. If there is a book you really want to read- do it. If there is any kind of activity you really want to do- do it. Treat your body mind and soul. Because to be loved you must first love yourself.
“Beauty is when you can appreciate yourself. When you love yourself, that’s when you’re most beautiful”. –Zoe Kravitz
It’s not the time to throw a pity party for yourself. You are single and you are incredible!