1. The emails with the subject line, “with the spring semester coming to an end,” you just want to mark as spam.
2. Are you excited for graduation? Yes. No. I don’t know. Maybe. Can you pass the salt, Aunt Lisa?
3. LinkedIn notifications announcing your cousin’s roommate’s new job. Mazel tov, to you Jenny… can’t wait to update my LinkedIn information…I hope I get to update my LinkedIn information…shoot, what’s my LinkedIn password again?
4. Have you thought about moving back in with your parents for a little bit?
5. How’s the job search going? It’s going. I’m not exactly sure where it’s going but it’s going.
6. Have you registered for your own Amazon account yet? Dear Amazon Prime, I’ll miss your free shipping. Sincerely, Real World Me
7. The person from HR hits you with the, “We actually don’t hire recent grads for entry level positions. Have you looked into our internship program?”
8. The one friend who writes GroupMe messages saying, “We only have X weekends left till graduation!!!” One more time, Katie and I swear, I will remove you from this group.
9. When you’re kind enough to pass down your house and the next generation has the audacity to come by and make comments about how they plan on redecorating your room. Keep talking and I’m so editing my Instagram caption from “Best little ever!!!” to “Somebody that I used to know.”
10. The silly questions like, “Are you sad about leaving?” A sarcastic answer doesn’t even do this one justice because you’re so inexplicably sad about leaving you “just can’t even.”
11. The finance major who can’t help but mention how, “It’s April and you still don’t have a job.” All of a sudden, everyone is a walking/talking calendar.
12. The conversations with alumni that turn into morose monologues about, “living up every last moment because post-grad life is no where near as much fun as college.”
13. The same alumni from #12 tells you how much they miss living within a 2 mile radius of their best friends.
14. Get ready to cancel your student discounts because you no longer qualify. Well, there goes Adobe Creative Cloud.
15. The one super nosy acquaintance who wants to know, “if you’re planning on staying together.” As if your relationship is a carton of milk and you can slap an expiration date on the side.
16. “Where do you see yourself in 5 years?” Excuse me; do I look like That’s so Raven?
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