Have you ever thought to yourself while talking to a coworker, ‘This is such an inappropriate question to ask?’ Whether that’s at your place of work, a coworker makes a snide comment or a customer makes you uncomfortable at the register, women face uncomfortable situations daily.
It even happens in class which can make your already anxious-ridden classrooms and projects more uncomfortable. While there is little we can do to prevent these comments from happening there are ways to set up professional boundaries to stop them from recurring. Whether you want your classmate to be more respectful or a colleague to treat you like a colleague, there are a couple of strategies that you can use.
Say No
Start out by saying no. By saying no without explaining. An important approach to setting boundaries is saying no without offering an explanation. Be firm, you don’t have to give a reason if you don’t want to. Even though it may not always be successful on the first try, setting your intentions and being clear is a start.
Don’t feel like you have to be nice
Saying no may give the person the impression that what they are doing is wrong but it may not stop them from continuing with their behavior. Don’t feel like you have to be nice to them because they are your coworker or classmate, the more wiggle room you give them in explanations the more chance they can keep bothering you. Instead of setting a boundary by saying something like, “You have to stop bothering me after work”, a person can say, “I need some time to myself when I get back from work.”
Asking for help is not a sign of weakness
It’s a good idea not to let the situation get worse. If you realize there is a problem push yourself to address it sooner rather than later. You don’t want the situation to reach a point where you are avoiding going to that class because of that one student. Reach out in a professional way to the person, like asking for a private discussion like a cup of coffee. Although, that can be a nerve-wracking idea for some people so consider your options. If you are uncomfortable or do not know how to have this type of difficult conversation, an executive coach or trusted advisor can help you choose your words and role-play the discussion beforehand.
Go into the conversation being prepared. Think of the topics you want to address and offer solutions on how to fix or change them. It’s hard not to become heated during these discussions especially if the person is not being very forgiving to your perception of the situation, just remember what you experience is valid.
When all else fails and they are impossible to communicate with, get someone else involved in the situation.
Coworkers and classmates should never make you feel uncomfortable or push on your boundaries but unfortunately, it is inevitable in life. Talk to your friends and roommates about the situation. Get perspective and also a chance to talk about your feelings. Doubting your own perceptions is a very real thing and it can often change your narrative of events.
Paige Sweet, Ph.D., an assistant professor of sociology at the University of Michigan says,
Even though culture seems to be changing it’s better to be prepared for experiences like these.