Because you’re a girl you probably spend your Sundays attempting to balance your spinning room, recover from your week(end) and/or detoxing from your broken 1200 calorie diet. You are probably not sprawling out on the couch pounding carb-heavy beers watching men in matching outfits roll around on a field. You may have mocked or at least questioned why families freeze, people bet, and grown men fight and cry over this incessant “game.” I mean you obviously like football, likeeee you definitely appreciate how cute Tom Brady is. Buuuut it’s doubtful that you’ve dedicated precious Sunday mani/pedi time on learning the boundless rules and regulations of the sport. However, as the Super Bowl approaches it’s suddenly like a social necessity to know football, or at least seem to. In order to appear athletically inclined I have compiled a short list of key players, positions and penalties to be aware of and reference to maximize your effortlessly cool vibe.
First of all you definitely need to know who is playing, and I probs don’t have to tell you this, but the Denver Broncos are playing the Seattle Seahawks in New York.
Anyway, It’s tough to decide which team to root for since, in reality, you don’t “follow” football. Denver is in Colorado and they have Aspen and like recreational pot, but Seattle poses some tough competition, as it is the birthplace of Starbucks. Unfortunately, you may have to resort to deciding based on the teams personalities and players.
The Seattle Seahawks:
Coach- Pete Carroll. Prior to his days chasing perpetual rain with Venti cups of Pike Place in Seattle, he was soaking up the sun as the head coach of the University of Southern California. At USC their team anthem was “Lean on me.” Pete brought in the songs original writer to sing with the team. Check out this famous (among boys) YouTube video to see why football teams are more like fraternities than you knew. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Suas0jhcPNI (start at 2:28)
Quarterback- Russel Wilson.
Corner Back (defends against/covers the players that run to catch long passes)– Richard Sherman. You have probably heard his name, since you totally love a good scandal, and he is infamous (respected) for his perennial trash talk. Seconds after the Seahawks clenched the Super Bowl, his eyes bulged and veins popped as he yelled to Erin Andrews, shoving his victory is his losing opponents face… on national TV. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bkTq__jd4I4
Running Back (offensive runner, usually gets the ball “handed off” to him from the QB)– Marshawn Lynch. Though Seattle is one of America’s wettest cities, it only ever rains Skittles at Seahawks games. Marshawn made tasting the rainbow a pre game ritual in middle school and hasn’t stopped consuming his “power pellets” since. Fans caught wind of his habit and began to celebrate his big plays by tossing handfuls and packets of Skittles onto the field. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WD6KlNmCZWQ
The Denver Broncos:
Coach- John Fox. The Broncos’ journey to the Super Bowl was especially thrilling as their coach, John underwent midseason heart surgery and was out for several games.
Quarterback (if you haven’t figured it out by now think Matt Saracen)– Peyton Manning. Peyton is a member of a football dynasty- his father, Archie was the quarterback for the Saints, and his brother, Eli has won 2 Super Bowls quaterbacking the Giants. Most people don’t know about his older brother, Cooper who was an accomplished college wide receiver. Unfortunately, his football career ended before he could make it to the NFL for medical reasons. Check out this home video of the boys http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dwmSibSyuwY
Wide Receiver (players that run to catch long passes & often score)– Demaryius Thomas.
Corner Back- Champ Bailey. Aside from having a really solid last name, he is one of the NFL’s greatest players. He is a shoe in for the hall of fame and has been in the league 15 seasons; this is his first time on a Super Bowl bound team.