Ahh the 90’s. Your teeth were probably a little less straight, you were rocking a middle part (for the first time), and you were running on full nights of sleep not full cups of coffee and adderall abuse. It was a time before Supersize Me; a time before you knew the scary ingredients in Happy Meals, Toaster Strudel and Baby Bottle Pops. Lance Bass was your crush and Britney Spears was your idol (thank god you didn’t pursue either too seriously… since Lance is gay and Britney is… well Britney).
You spent your days coordinating dances to the Spice Girls in LTD2 sports bras. The biggest scandal you’d come across was the assless chaps featured in Spice World…and maybe those Third Eye Blind lyrics you mindlessly sang; those lyrics about drug addiction and sex masked in a catchy tune. It was a time when your Christmas List consisted of “xsessorys” and a flip phone. A time when your biggest responsibility was to keep your Furbys and Tomagachies fed, and your biggest concern was being able to stay up for that Friday night Disney Channel Original Movie…those were great, after all, that is how Katherine Heigl got started (Wish Upon a Star…it’s on Netflix).
It was a time when the Olsen’s still ate, Charlie Sheen was sane, and Lindsay Lohan was sober. A time of Beanie Babies and boy bands. Scrunchies were cool and short hair was trendy, thanks to Jennifer Aniston’s iconic bob and zigzag parts. It was a decade clad with Doc Martins, acid wash jeans, and MC Hammer pants. An almost unimaginable time when Windows was cool and Mac was obsolete. Mark Wahlberg still went by Marky Mark, and his biggest accomplishment was making boxer briefs cool. A time when Pokémon infested the youth and fanny packs and roller blades for the teens.
It was a decade of timeless movies and shows, including the original Beverly Hills, 90210 and Melrose Place. You laughed at Seinfeld and The Fresh Prince of Bel Air and fell in love along side Corey and Topanga. Pretty Woman made you swoon over Julia Robert’s lips and Clueless made you obsess over Cher’s wardrobe. It also taught you a few new phrases like “buggin,” “as if,” and “whatever.” Scream, Jurassic Park, American Pie, Titanic and Forrest Gump dominated the big screens. Kate and Leonardo made you believe in love (did you know he walked her down the aisle at her 2012 wedding?) and Forest’s mama taught you, “Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what your gonna get.”
Baby, Scary (who has a baby by Eddie Murphy…surprise), Ginger, Sporty and Posh ruled your world and your walkman. Your mixed CDs were a shuffling of the Backstreet Boys, N*Sync, Dr.Dre, Sir Mix-a-lot, Eminem, Smashmouth, TLC (RIP Lisa), No doubt and Alanis Morsette.
If you were at all up to date with the news, you cried as JFK and Jackie’s plane crashed, celebrated the end of Apartheid and the Soviet Union, and felt for Dianna and Hillary as Charles and Bill cheated. You were shaken and scared by JonBenit Ramsey’s murder and the Menendez brother’s attack on their parents. You cringed as Kerri Strug was carried away from the Vault and shed a tear with Dominique Dawes and the rest of the Magnificent Seven as they claimed America’s first Gymnastic Gold. You were torn apart by the East Coast West Coast hip-hop rivalry and the OJ trial, and haunted by the words, “if it doesn’t fit, you must acquit” and that bloody glove. You laughed because you thought Bill Gates was crazy when he professed his dream that, “someday kids will spend more time on the internet than in front of the TV.” Who’s laughing now?