A year and a half ago I was in the comfort of my home in the Philippines doing online-only classes. Now, I’m back on campus in Boston and I cannot be more excited and grateful about it.
Before I arrived on campus, I’ll admit, I was nervous. I had been indoors for so long; I was scared of the uncertainty and the change that might have occurred while I was gone, as well as how I would deal with it.
When I arrived in Boston and saw my friends again, the fears that I had flew out the window. Instead of thinking too much of what might be, I embraced the present and enjoyed the company while we ate delicious Chinese food in the Boston Common.
As school started, a part of me felt that nervousness creep up again. When I entered my first class, I was worried about what might happen and how different in-person classes would be during the pandemic. At the same time, I was excited and grateful for the opportunity to be in a classroom with professors and classmates after eighteen months. I know that not everyone has that privilege at this point in time. It turns out I had nothing to worry about and everything went fine that first week. For the first time, even if we were all in masks and socially distanced from one another, I felt some semblance of normalcy and found myself staying present and concentrating on the lesson at hand.
After being online for so long, there were things that I definitely forgot. I forgot how fun it was to walk with friends to my next class or even to the dining hall for dinner. I forgot how nice it is to feels to be so excited for a class and to feel that enthusiasm rush right through my bones. I even forgot what it was like to make new friends in classes and how to put myself out there without doubts and anxiousness seeping into my head.
In a way, I forgot what it was like to be part of a community of educators and learners who are there to support and guide me in everything I do now and in the future. By being on campus, it definitely reminded me of what I missed out on while I was online. It reminded me of how much I missed the community I was in and how different it was when I was taking Zoom classes.
Although I was able to meet new people through Zoom, the interactions were different, everything seemed awkward. At times, because I spent most of my time staring at a screen and studying, I felt alone even if I knew I wasn’t.
Now, while I am on campus, there is this sense of relief I feel sometimes when I see other students, knowing that we are in similar boats, all I have to do is keep pushing and moving forward.
However, being outdoors is not without its fears. Whenever I go outside, I am exposed to everything and everyone around me. I worry about contracting COVID and spreading it to others around me, even if I am cautious. Thankfully, the weekly testing and the knowledge that I have some protection gives me ease. Simultaneously, the thought that anything can happen at any time makes me panic, squirm, and leaves me on the edge. Although this is not an easy fear to deal with, I know that a part of it is just getting used to being outside a bit more, as well as trusting myself that everything will be okay as long as I follow the safety measures. More importantly, to take it one step at a time instead of thinking about the possibilities too much that it starts to scare me.
It has been almost a month since I have arrived on campus and I can definitely say that I am still adjusting to this new setup. After being cooped up for some time, I am still learning, and re-learning, things about myself, campus life, and what it’s like to be outdoors again. It hasn’t been exactly smooth, but it’s definitely been interesting to see how I deal with certain situations, my reactions to those situations, and the lessons I gain from the experience.
For now, I am reveling in being back on campus and getting the chance to explore Boston more, seeing friendly faces in the hallways, surrounding myself with amazing friends, and having the opportunity to continue my studies in person again – privileges I wish to never take for granted again.
So far, so good.