As always, we viewed a dramatic montage of future scenes we can expect from the season, including, but not limited to, crying, frustration, doubting of contestants intentions, and in a surprising turn of events, the doubting of Clare Crawley herself which leads to 15 men trying to walk out..? And ultimately the preview scenes culminate in the iconic Chris Harrison and Clare conversation they’ve been advertising, “Congratulations, you’ve just blown up The Bachelorette.”
If you haven’t been living under a rock, you know that there were rumors reported by none other than Reality Steve, who is notorious for providing the public with accurate Bachelor and Bachelorette spoilers and secrets. He claimed back in August that Clare had essentially quit the show, locked herself in a room and refused to film, and then was fired by production who scrambled to bring Tayshia Adams in to film. He also said people have been saying it was production’s idea to let her go because they saw she was only into one person and didn’t know how to continue.
With that backstory in mind, we arrive back to the premiere where we view scenes filmed back in February before production was postponed due to COVID-19 and California’s stay-at-home order. Next, as can be expected in these unprecedented times, we view a series of news segments of anchors talking about the coronavirus and states shutting down which leads into scenes of Clare biking through desolate California streets, baking cookies by herself, lounging on her couch and a nice time-lapse of her workout, complete with vlog-style videos of her quarantine life. Fast-forward to production getting up and running and another timelapse of Clare isolating in her hotel room impatiently waiting for her COVID-19 test results. Chris Harrison shows up to deliver the news that she is COVID-negative, which prompts Clare into a Disney-esque spinning in circles while birds chirp cheerily around her.
Finally, we meet the men. More vlog style videos of the masked-up men boarding planes, sitting in cars, and being dramatic AF when getting their COVID tests. Before we watch the limo arrivals of the contestants (after way too much b-roll of nurses prepping for COVID tests), we have to endure yet another confessional from Clare, who foreshadows the reason we are all anxiously watching this season anyway. Clare states she can pick her husband out the second she meets him, and boy did she ever! Enter Dale Moss, a 32-year-old, former NFL Wide Receiver who is now a model and brand ambassador. He even comes complete with his own official website!
So without further ado, we’ll just talk about Dale and his interactions with Clare, because the rest of the 30 guys are irrelevant now, right? Ok fine…a brief rundown of the introductions: Clare has the pleasure of meeting men with occupations such as commercial roofer, banker, digital media advertiser, male grooming specialist (what even is that), lawyer, wildlife manager, anesthesiologist, aeronautical engineer, and fan-favorite winner of the night, the boy band manager who came with pictures of her dogs on his shirt. Still waiting for him to tell us which boy band though…any day now. Oh, and I can’t forget Bennet, the wealth management consultant who arrives in a white Rolls Royce wearing a black suit with a James Bond-esque scarf. Did I mention he went to Harvard? Never could’ve guessed.
Back to regularly scheduled programming of the Dale show: after her introduction with him, she turns into a high school girl who is instantly smitten, so much so that she announces, “I definitely feel like I just met my husband.” Woahhh girl…I thought we all agreed two months was quick to find a husband, but after two sentences…this isn’t Married at First Sight.
Side note: take a shot every time someone mentions that Clare is the oldest bachelorette ever!
Clare begins the night with the obligatory ceremonial toast, starts chatting with the men, deals with night one drama (shocker), and of course, emotionally connects with Dale over their brief, but intimate conversation where they just click and everything is so natural. So it should come as no surprise that Dale got the first impression rose, which leads into an awkward kiss initiated by Clare who tries to grab his face.
In the previews for the rest of the season, we listen to the typical Bachelorette soundtrack play as happy scenes of kissing, frolicking, and the stereotypical “surprise” fireworks at the end of a date begin to show. Suddenly the music changes, signaling a turning point of clips showing the guys seemingly turning against Dale, and then Clare as well. Chris Harrison talks to a sobbing Clare as he says, “The path we’re on doesn’t end well.” Suspenseful music plays as a new limo arrives…as if we don’t know it’s Tayshia, but the producers are known for misleading clips and throwing curveballs so, at this point, anything can happen.
Final takeaways: Guys are just as petty and dramatic, Clare’s golden retriever Honey was the highlight of the night (Clare asks if she got out and jokes that she is a test for the guys…we see you, producers!), some men should not be allowed on television (looking at you fart-butt ring guy), and there are inevitably a few guys not there for the right reasons (*gag*).
So uhhh, how long do we think the producers will drag this out until they bring in Tayshia?
