If you thought high school was a blur, let me just tell you, college goes by even faster. While I’m in the unique position of being in a fifth year program for my master’s degree, that doesn’t mean that my undergraduate years in college aren’t coming to a rapid end. And y’all…I’m scared.
My entire life, I have been working toward one major goal: college. Since coming to college and attaining that goal, I’ve been working toward a new goal: my career. Not that anything I did before college was irrelevant to that goal, but college was always the first step, and I had 14 long years to prepare for that step. With only four years to plan the path my entire future would take, I’ve got to admit, it isn’t enough time. Four years is much too short, but here we are, entering year four.
When I was faced with the opportunity to get more education, I was excited to learn more; however, there is a part of me that has to admit, part of my interest in the program was delaying the inevitable. How could it not be?
Don’t get the wrong idea, I’m 100% ready and excited to jump into my career, but graduating and being thrown out into the world at 21 years old was a really scary thing to think about (..so I’ll do it at 22 instead, maybe…maybe I need a doctorate in publishing??). Not only that, but when I think about graduating, I think about all the good things I already have to say goodbye to, when I really just got started with them all.
First of all, I think a lot about my experiences at Emerson. All of the organizations I have joined and run over the years are all going to come to an end in a few months. Stepping down and stepping back from the positions that I love, like being the Campus Correspondent for Emerson’s chapter of Her Campus, and the Editor-in-Chief of The Emerson Review, are things that I never thought of stepping into those positions. It sounded like such a long time away, but really, that time is coming up so much faster than I ever imagined. Even though I’ll still be at Emerson, I won’t be an active part of these organizations anymore, and it’s strange to think about passing on a passion project of yours to the next person. I know that the people who are stepping into these positions are going to do an amazing job, but it is still hard to think about letting go of organizations you have been a part of for the past three, soon to be four years.
I also look at the potential of saying goodbye to the city I have called home for the past three years. Boston is beautiful and amazing, and while I know I’ll be here again next year, there is no telling where life is going to take me after that. As much as I would love to stay here, I might not be able to, which is okay, but still, a goodbye I don’t know if I’m quite ready to face.
Lastly, I think a lot about the people I’ve met, and what graduating means for those relationships I’ve built with them over the past three years. While I know the friends I have are lifelong, that doesn’t mean we are all going to create roots in the same city ever again (although, I know I’ll always have a place to stay in various areas across the country). Pretty much all of the friends I have are from the very first month of college, and I am so beyond thankful for them and all the support they have given to me in the past three years. When I first came to college, I didn’t think I would meet such incredible people, but here they are. Being the most incredible people, doing the most incredible things.
So I guess the point of this is that going into my senior year, I’m not really sure what to think. Even though I know I will be here at this school for one more year, I know that it won’t be the same without my friends being here. While I count down the weeks until I can say that I’m a college graduate, I know that this fear of the unknown is going to be circling in my head for a while. I’m not entirely sure what steps I’m going to take throughout the year, but I know that I can say, with confidence, that we will all get through it, and walk across the stage at graduation, degree in hand. So, from a senior wishing it was still my first year, enjoy all of the little things, because before you know it, it will be your senior year, and you’ll be wondering the same things that I am now.