Listen, I’m a simple nonbinary lesbian. Often, I stare at hot people and engage in an inner debate of “do I want to be them, or be under them.” And I’ve been watching a lot of Star Trek this summer, so, here are 9 of the characters of Star Trek: Strange New Worlds that made me say “hmmm…”
I highly recommend you open a second tab, google “Star Trek strange new worlds cast” and follow along.
And yes, you will see one singular man on this list. I’m comfortable in my sexuality. I let my compulsory heterosexuality go wild sometimes. I am capable of appreciating a Fine Man. Do I want to be him? Maybe. Do I want to be under him? Probably not. But a tasteful, chaste, tongue-less kiss in the rain? I could be into that.
8. Captain Pike
With that being said, Captain Pike. Listen, He’s really fine. Like, really, really fine. He has a kind, gentle leadership style. He’s the dad of the crew. He is (mostly) free from the shackles of toxic masculinity.
He has great hair. I wanna run my hands through it. I tried to cut off all of mine and see how that made me feel, in the gender sense, and it did nothing for me. But maybe if I showed the hairdresser a photo of Anson Mount playing Captain Christopher Pike, I’d have a different conclusion.
Maybe this is just my daddy issues. Eh, I don’t care.
7. Captain Batel
Despite only appearing two or three times in the series, she still made her mark on me. Or, I’d like her very much to.
She’s played by Melanie Scrofano, who also is Wynonna Earp. Therefore, I’m contractually required to be a thirsty lez at her.
6. La’an Noon
She has trauma. I can fix her. I can.
I might be just seeing myself in her too. I always thought if I was in Starfleet, I’d be in the tactical department. Despite having no combat skills, being scared of guns, and weak, broken wrists, I have intense and unearned confidence in this statement. If we are in a universe where an inter-galactic organization dedicated to protecting life exists, I’m sure I can also throw a punch.
Lt. La’an is the protective, kind, but shortsighted tactical officer I think I would be.
Plus, she’s kind of mean. And that’s hot. In the words of Nick Miller, “stop being so mean to me or I swear to God I’m gonna fall in love with you.”
5. T’Pring
T’Pring is Spock’s initial love interest. She’s respected in her field of rehabilitating criminals, and she loves ALL of Spock – including his human side.
She even researches this human side. We love when a significant other literally does research on the things they don’t understand about their partner. Purely from a place of love.
She’s also. Really hot.
4. Cadet Uhura
In episode 8, the characters are thrown into a fantasy world, all collectively hallucinating characters, costumes, and set dressing from a medieval kingdom, based on a book Dr. M’Benga reads to his daughter. It’s camp.
And Cadet Uhura is like, respectfully, really hot. Especially as an evil queen. Again, please be mean to me. I want to fall further in love with you.
Plus, the character gets incredible backstory throughout the series, paying homage to Nichelle Nichols’ trailblazing character and giving Uhura the dimension she DESERVES.
3. Lt. Ortegas
A hot butch space pilot, who has a sassy quip perfect for every situation? Hell. Yeah.
In a Variety interview, the actress who plays Ortegas (Melissa Navia) has said of the character’s sexuality: “everyone should be a bit queer.” Navia also said she’s been playing Ortegas “super loyal to her crew and [as if] she also has a crush on probably all of them.” So, like, she could be into me. And that would be incredible.
The dream? To be an ensign on Enterprise and have Captain Ortegas also have a little crush on ME.
2. Chapel
The Yassification and Baddassification (these are scientific terms) of Nurse Chapel is Everything I Never Knew I Needed.
She’s just. So Hot. And is cannonically bisexual,a win for us girlies (I consider “girlies” to be a gender neutral term and I use it as such).
She is the blueprint for what I want my hair to look like when I’m mentally stable long enough to not dye it in my bathroom. Platinum, always tousled, and the exact perfect length.
She’s also just so kind and empathetic and THERE for Spock and they’re SOULMATES and I cannot wait to see the will they/won’t they in the next season. (The best part? We know that they WILL. Watching them interact is like reading a cookie-cutter rom-com: you know they’re gonna get together, but it’s nice to enjoy the romance for the first time.)
- Captain Angel
Was Captain Angel my nonbinary awakening? Yes.
Are they literally the best villain in the entire season? Also yes.
Fun fact: after watching the episode that introduced Captain Angel, I texted a friend “did a hot renegade non-binary space pirate on strange new worlds suddenly tip the gender scale in my head? Maybe.” I then immediately switched the order of my pronouns on Instagram to “they/she.”
This character just EXUDES everything I want to be. Well, minus a villain (but my life is just beginning. I have time.)
I want to be feminine, to wear a hot outfit and have shoulder-length hair and multiple piercings, and have everyone INITIALLY use they/them pronouns for me. I want to be a badass, swashbuckeling nonbinary gay pirate.
Plus, again, they’d be mean to me. But like, in a hot way.
Please, Captain Angel, make me a space pirate. I will the hot, purple-haired lesbian by your side. I’ll do anything you want me to.
If the question is “do I want to be them or be under them,” then Captain Angel is just the word “yes.”
Watch Star Trek Strange New Worlds! But know that the series won’t make total sense unless you watch up through season 2 of Star Trek Discovery. So, also watch Star Trek Discovery, but without Captain Angel, I cannot guarantee that the show will be as enjoyable.