Emory Faux Pas: Numbers 1, 2, and 3

Remember the days when Polly Pockets were cool, when we counted down the days until the next Disney
Channel Original Movie premiered, and when our Skip-It score was something to brag about? I still color code my notes and carry around ten different colored pens. When I am alone in my room studying, I line them up in color-wheel order. I miss my gel pen days: neon, pastel, glow in the dark, glitter – you name it, I had it. And if I were missing a color in my collection I’d make a sweet trade with some equally over-obsessed gel pen geek in my classroom.
 
I miss those days, but they had to come to an end at some point, right? I suppose now girls flaunt accessories and skills very different from our old school butterfly clips and stunning talent for keeping Tamagatchis alive and well.
 
Today, there are some great trends, but unfortunately, many Emory students have fallen into the classic Emory faux pas of our time. I am here to rant and to warn you against a few God-awful habits, supposedly “stylish” looks, and ridiculously stupid “skills.”
 
#1 God-awful habit: The student who insists upon going through the salad bar line backwards.
 
No, I’m not talking about literally walking backwards, I am describing the obnoxious people who must have
their beans, cheese, and other end-of-the-line ingredients before they can pile on the lettuce. It’s one thing to grab those end-of-the-line items and then get back in line to add lettuce. It is a whole other deal when you walk in the exact opposite direction of the line flow. These delinquent and unaware airheads make for obnoxious roadblocks. As much as I enjoy the thought of rebelling against what is normal, this is just one of those times when I completely support uniform and robotic, unoriginal action.
 
#2 Not-so-stylish “stylish” look: Tights worn as pants.
 
Some women on campus mistake tights for pants. Reme
mber the campus-wide PSA, “Tights will not suffice” circa Fall 2009? The phrase may seem old school like life-size Barbie and Silly Putty but it’s still very relevant in my book. Crop tops with leggings – or worse, sheer leggings, or even worse, tights – appear to be a staple of most Emory girls’ closets. Where did we go wrong? This look rarely flatters girls’ figures and it looks like they just transported in time from an 80’s workout video, except they’ve totally displaced themselves to the gym room where that workout video would have taken place over two decades ago! Put on some pants ladies!
 
#3 Incompetency mistaken for “skill”: The student who texts (face down) while walking on campus.

 
I’m glad you have friends who want to talk to you, but save it for when you’re standing (or sitting) still! In sacrificing the moments away from your best “friend” (i.e. your cell phone) you will gain invaluable opportunities to say hello to “live” friends and acquaintances in passing… or even a random passersby! Sometimes I begin to think that many girls on campus have a more meaningful relationship with their phones than with their actual “real-life” friends. Show your human friends some love, don’t bump into them “accidentally” while texting on your cell, and most importantly, do not pass your friends without giving them so much as a glance, a smile, or even a friendly wave. How rude! (In the words of Stephanie Tanner of Full House.)
 
The difference between these silly new trends, habits, and so-called multi-tasking “skills” and the totally kitschy
obsessions we had as 90’s kiddos running around our neighborhoods with lemonade for sale and Otter Pops dripping down our shirts is simply this: those old-timey things were harmless and somehow endearing. But there is absolutely nothing cute or endearing about 20-year-old girls in skin-tight, crotch-exposing tights who cannot connect with a world beyond their wireless connecting devices. C’mon girls and take a course in social studies! Give into your nostalgia for the 90’s (or perhaps it’s just me) and let it lead toward a return to that carefree, kind-hearted approach to life we enjoyed as kids.