The concept of appropriate Facebook etiquette is particularly interesting in that it is entirely new. You can rest
assured knights weren’t courting maidens with romantic Facebook wall posts, and even the generation before ours somehow had to manage without the infamous poking system. Still, in our day it seems that Facebook has introduced a complicated new dimension to the art of flirtation. That being said I’ll try to take a stab at the proper way to go about this digital seduction, since we’ve all been the recipient of some awkward Facebook attention at one point or another.
The Friend Request.
I’ll start with the friend request. The main question here pertains to timing. If you met some guy that you
might be interested in, when is a good time to send the friend request? Should you wait to get it from him to confirm that he’s interested? The line is a little blurry.
I’d like to put this in perspective—none of this $h*t really matters. Facebook flirting will rarely make or break your hook up, but it’s still a good skill to have. In terms of the friend request my philosophy is be bold. If maybe you’re interested in someone but you’re not really sure, shoot him the friend request, what’s the worst that can happen? I guarantee he is not going to ignore it, and that would be out of line, and being friends on Facebook isn’t exactly laying all your cards out there and saying “let’s bang,” it’s just a subtle request for a little attention.
I have the same philosophy for people you’ve never even talked to before. Say you’ve seen someone around a lot, you make eyes at them a little bit once in a while and you know who they are just from general gossip; I say f**k it, send them the friend request, let him know you’re out there. This doesn’t necessarily apply to guys since sending a friend request to someone you’ve never talked to can come off as “creepy,” but for girls I think a little initiative goes a long way. Plus I don’t think I’ve ever really heard a girl being described as creepy—that’s an adjective normally reserved for the more shameless sex.
I have also heard of stories where you meet someone one night, you hook up with them that same night, and then you’re not sure when and if to send the friend request. In this instance I would use a little more reserve. You definitely don’t want that person waking up in the morning to a new friend request from you. That comes off as way too eager.
I would follow the number one phone rule: when a girl gives a guy her phone number, there is a minimum of three days to wait before the guy makes contact. I would apply this to the friend request: if you hook up with someone at a bar or something, give it at least a few days before sending the friend request. As women, you also have the luxury of waiting it out since more often than not, the guy will cave and send you the request first, so keep that in mind.
Wall Posts
As far as wall posts are concerned, just don’t fΩ©#!ng do it. It’s just stupid. What are you gonna write on this
dude’s wall, “omg like I was so drunk the other night. I like died, hope I didn’t do anything too embarrassing J lol.” I would literally rather gouge my own eyes out than read that wall post from a girl. Reserve the wall posts for old friends you want to check up on, or funny youtube videos, or whatever, but keep the Facebook flirting more discreet. It’s just tacky to put it on display.
Facebook Chat
A move I do recommend, however, is the early night Facebook chat. Now this is a move that only applies on a
going out night, most likely a Friday or Saturday, if you don’t have the other person’s number.
If you see the person of interest (POI) on Facebook some time before going out that night, there’s no harm in shooting them a “hey, what are you doing tonight?” Of course this is under the assumption that you’ve actually spoken to the POI before, this can’t be used for that secret crush who you friended but never had any contact with.
The early night Facebook chat works best if you actually have plans for that night. So when the POI asks you what you’re doing, you can say, “come to this party at…” wherever it is. This can also be a great way to get the POI’s number cause you can say “oh well I’m pregaming at … but maybe I’ll see you at … later, what’s your number I’ll text you when I’m going.” In my opinion this is the cleanest and most effective method of Facebook flirting, and if executed properly it can yield fantastic results.
Profile Pictures
Now a little discussion on profile pictures, because somebody has to throw this out there. The way I see, it, Facebook profile pictures have fallen into a predictable cycle, especially for girls, in which each kind of profile pic fits into a set category. I’m going to lay those categories out.
First there’s the most common “look how much I love my B!t©h∑$ picture.” This is simply a picture of you and
your friends, each one doing that annoying skinny arm thing where you bend your elbow and put your hand on your hip to thin out your arm or some $h*t. Most commonly this is taken in some apartment at a pregame so you’re all in your tight black skirts or rompers. I actually have nothing against this kind of profile pic, it’s just you and your friends when you all look good and have just enough liquor in you to break out the camera and the skinny arm poses. I can respect that, I wouldn’t mind if all girls stuck to that kind of picture.
The there’s the “look how hot I am in a bathing suit pic.” This one infuriates me. Flipping through almost any
mildly attractive girl’s profile pictures will invariably lead you to that one of you on the beach in Cabo or wherever in your bikini and again modeling the skinny arm pose. It’s all well and good to be proud of your body and even to show it off from time to time. I’m all for that. But if you do have a nice body, guys will always notice that whether you’re fully clothed or not, and a profile picture that promotes your figure in a tight dress or something like that will spark more interest than laying all your cards on the table. Leaving something to the imagination is key, and showing off with the bikini profile pic, no matter how hot you might look, is just ostentatious.
Another profile pic regular is the “omg look how goofy I am” picture. This one is usually a candid (or falsely
candid) shot of you doing something adorably silly like laughing uncontrollably, or spilling champagne accidentally, or biting your friend’s cheek or something along those lines. I don’t really take issue with this one either; I think there’s something to be said for being genuine and unplanned. And at least it shows a little more personality than a typical skinny arm shot. Still, I draw the line on some of the drunken antics that seem to be tiptoeing the border between goofy and sloppy. Stop rolling on the floor and stand up on your own two feet. Sure, spontaneity is cute, but the “goofy” picture of you and your friends trying to drunkenly build a human pyramid is not attractive.
Next is the “look at all the cool places I’ve been” picture. We’ve all seen this one; it usually consists of you
overlooking some surreal canyon in Guadalajara or riding a camel through the Moroccan desert. Anything to indicate that you’ve been to awesome places, seen awe inspiring sights, and had life changing experiences along the way. Even though I may talk about it sarcastically, I actually don’t mind this kind of picture either. I’m a huge advocate of traveling, and I don’t really see a problem with broadcasting the places you’ve been and being proud of the experiences you’ve had. But still, these should be limited. We know you had a great time abroad, but that doesn’t mean every profile picture you have has to be you in front of another sixteenth century cathedral. They all look the same anyway.
Another one that I don’t mind too much is the “look how cute I was when I was younger” pic. This is another
pretty common one but I don’t really mind people delving into the old polaroids for a throwback picture. These usually have you and your brother when you were 6 and 10 respectively on your old swing set or something. I can respect the nostalgia I guess, but again, use sparingly.
The last category I’ll talk about is the “look how happy we are” picture of you and your boyfriend. Nothing
makes me want to vomit more than the six back-to-back pictures of you and your boyfriend snuggling up in different locations. And if your obnoxious enough to post the profile pic of you guys making out while you take a picture on your iMac then you’ve really gone off the deep end. In my experiences the more people try to promote how happy they are together with annoying pictures and constant displays of affection, the more superficial the relationship. It’s fine that you’re in love or whatever, its even fine to have a profile picture with your boyfriend cause he’s “like the most important person in your life” and $h*t. But there’s no reason to purposely shove your puppy love in everyone else’s faces. We get it, you two are great together, now stop putting it on display and get on with your lives.
That’s all I really have for now, I guess this was less about the proper Facebook flirtation etiquette and more a rant on my part about infuriating Facebook antics. In any case I hope you’ve enjoyed it. To conclude, stop making the kissy face, your arm is not that fat when its at your side, and if you’re still doing mirror pictures then just go back to fu©%!ng myspace. Until next time.
RLEG
This article is written by a student writer from the Her Campus at Emory chapter.