A Personal Reflection on Rejection

Why do we agonize over relationships… or lack-thereof?

First let me lay out a scenario: two college students are set up
by their mutual friend for a fraternity semi-formal. The two hit it off, dance the night away, and finish the evening with a short, albeit slightly drunken kiss. The two exchange numbers and the boy assures her that he wants to see her again “sometime soon.” Whoever knew that “sometime soon” translated to a month and a half later (a.k.a. might as well be never)?
 
Over this entire period, I felt hopeless, ashamed, worthless, and disgusting. How could a night so perfect yield such a nasty eternity of silence? If someone cared enough about another person, the least they could do is send them a quick text to let them know that they’re on their mind.
 
We have two options:
1. Send a text indicating that you want to hang out again because you had fun “last night.”
2. Send a text indicating that you have no interest what-so-ever in a future hang-out/hook-up. (See HCE: “How to Reject a Guy Without Being Rude.”)

 
You might notice, there is NO third option that says: “don’t contact the person at all!” Acknowledging existence can be surprisingly meaningful, whether or not this acknowledgment is going to make your date-from-last-night feel all warm and fuzzy inside.
 
Because come on! What is a girl supposed to think and feel? She analyzes the situation to the point that the only seemingly rational answer is that she is just not “good enough” or “attractive enough” or “interesting enough,” when in reality, these messages revolving round and round in her head are completely irrational!
 
Collegiettes Remember:

Do not let your peers… especially guys… determine the way you see yourself! Confidence is not only attractive to yourself, but it is attractive to the guys around you too. Once you nail the “I-am-awesome” (in a humble way of course) then guys will probably flock. (This isn’t to say that we need a partner to complete us, I am all for female domination and independence!)
 
It seems that I always assume the very worst in a relationship-related situation. Is this protection against being hurt in the event that I am flat-out rejected? Or, is this a product of my lacking self-confidence? Rather than evaluate the situation before it even occurs, why not sit back, relax, and watch the events unfold? Why must I constantly play out the numerous, horrific possible thoughts a guy might think of me? Why is it so hard to suppress these idiotic thought-projections?

I fully realize I am a hypocrite when I urge my friends to take more pride in themselves, admire their beauty, and forget the men who can’t adore their unique form of perfection, but I truly mean my words when I say them. It’s just that I cannot take my own advice without feeling doubt and ambivalence. Why is it that we value the opinions of others so highly while our own advice, when applied to ourselves, is deemed nonsensical?
 
In answer to these questions, I feel that I always come to the same anti-optimistic and unhelpful solution:
thoughts and emotions are simply too complicated to make any sense. There for screw it and FML. My explanatory “conclusions” either fall ahead or behind of my present rationale, therefore only confusing my heart to think a million things at once and settle for conclusions that fall far from reason.
 
All I can do at this point is to treat guys with the respect that I wish they’d show me. (Again, see HCE “How to Reject a Guy Without Being Rude.”) If I don’t ever plan to see him again, I tell him.
 
Exhibit A: Austin and I met at El Bar one crazy night. We hooked up in the one-room bathroom under the Virgin Mary (I can now check that off my bucket list). It was great – he was great, but I really had no intention of seeing him ever again, even though I eagerly gave him my digits. So, the next day, I referenced HCE and sent him a friendly apology and let him know that I had a boyfrie
nd, so we could no longer hang out (white lies are permissible in dire situations).
 
Moving on from this example, if a guy’s breath smells, I tell him. If he is a terrible dancer, we find a new activity we will both enjoy. Without honesty, there is nothing.
 
I whole-heartedly hope that college students will stop playing games. I am all for hookups and one-night-stands. They are a much-needed part in many a college student’s life, but showing basic respect for an individual is always in order. In other words, be a human being and have a conscious awareness of the fact that ALL PEOPLE HAVE FEELINGS.