Many of us go to college with the goal to learn the ins and outs of a field so that we can earn a degree and eventually get a decent job. However, as most of us know, the college experience gives us a lot more than career preparation. For me personally, college has been a time of tremendous self-growth and self-discovery, but primarily beyond the academic sphere. Since being away at college in an entirely new social environment, I have noticed a shift in my understanding of what friendship truly is. Yet, this change is definitely a positive one. I am confident that if I could tell my younger, anxious self even a piece of what I know now about relationships, my mental health in high school would have been drastically better.
Quality over Quanitity
Students in high schools all across America share a common craving — popularity. Just think about it for a minute. The reasoning goes that the more people that know you and that like you, the more events you will be invited to, the more Instagram likes you will get, and the happier you will be overall. Right? It wasn’t until my first year of college that I stepped out of this twisted mindset and I realized that maybe this isn’t always the case. I mean, who cares if you are “popular” in the “real world” anyways?
During my four years of high school, instead of feeling guilty or embarrassed that I didn’t have “enough” friends, I wish that I had truly embraced the beloved phrase “quality over quantity.” All this means is that it can be much more beneficial to have just a few authentic friendships rather than an overabundance of “average” friendships. Thus, rather than spending the time to associate with as many people as possible and spread myself thin, I’ve learned to instead spend my time towards building a stable circle of close friends. By focusing on maintaining healthy relationships characterized by mutual respect and trust with just a few friends, I’ve realized that I can really get to know these other people on a deeper, more intimate level. These are the people that can become family, meaning you will be able to rely on them for everything and trust them with anything. It can feel so incredible to be confident that you are surrounded by genuine people who really love and accept you for your true self, rather than dealing with hierarchies and drama in a larger group.
Time means nothing
In college, I’ve learned that real friendships are not defined by how long you have known someone. In fact, you could very well have a better friendship with someone you met a few days ago than with someone you have known for over a decade. Thus, it is important to keep in mind that the time table in a relationship does not take into account the feelings and experiences that are there.
To illustrate, it is important to note that one of the major differences between high school friends and college friends is the time spent together. In high school, my typical day would include waking up, going to school, attending after-school extracurricular activities, grinding out homework, and falling asleep. Thus, I spent roughly nine hours a day with my peers, with much of our time spent collectively listening to lectures about Romeo and Juliet or quadratic equations. Unfortunately, I don’t think all of us would consider those to be topics of interest. Furthermore, while we were all still living under the rules of our parents or guardians, we oftentimes lacked the ability to go anywhere at anytime. As a result, there were normally only a few hours on the weekends when we could plan to go shopping, to the movies, or out to eat. In short, high school friendships seemed to have many restrictions in terms of choice.
In contrast, college friendships are more autonomous. College friends are always in the loop. You live with them, eat with them, and study with them as you all navigate entirely new life experiences around the clock together. These are the people that will be there for you when you have a job interview, when you get locked out of your dorm after a long night, and even when you are cramming for an exam at 3:00 AM. To put it another way, they have seen you at your best and at your worst. Even so, many will choose to remain by your side as you all enter adulthood together during a strange, transitional time in life. Thus, college friends are special because they become your go-to people as you experience some of the most important moments in life. The bottom line is, you should not feel ashamed to say that your first semester roommate is your best friend rather than someone you have known since Kindergarten.
Each other’s biggest fans
In college, I’ve learned that the top qualities in a friendship are trust and support, surely over empathy and similarity. In high school, I felt like there was always an underlying sense of competition among my peers. As we were applying to colleges across the United States, we were all striving to enhance our applications by being the absolute best, whether it be in the classroom, on the field, or even on the stage. With this competition came jealousy, lies, and deceit, as students stepped on and over each other to make it to the top of the imaginary ladder. Being in such an environment for so long, I never thought that friendship could exist without such an underlying tension. However, once I went to college, I realized how toxic any ounce of envy can be in a relationship.