Greek mythology sounds romantic in theory, but in reality Greek ‘romance’ is full of abuse, adultery and just generally being awful. To prove my point, here are some of the worst couples in Greek mythology. I’ve also included some of the best, (there are very few good ones) but keep in mind that the bar was set very low.
5. Zeus and Hera
Zeus and Hera are in absolute dead last for being the worst couple ever. First of all, they’re siblings, which is a bad start. Admittedly, most of their problems are down to Zeus, who had countless consensual affairs with women, and committed even more completely non-consensual attacks/kidnappings/assaults of various other Greek men and women. In one of these instances, Zeus kidnapped a woman he wanted by turning himself into a bull and running away with her. There’s not exactly a handbook for dealing with a husband this bad, but Hera’s decision to stay with Zeus and instead punish any woman involved is not the best. Hera puts the women Zeus seduces (or attacks) though hell and even at times punishes the unfortunate offspring (she made Heracles kill his own wife and children simply for daring to be born a son of Zeus) but Zeus seems to always get off fine. Gross.
If you want a less lighthearted look at Zeus, there are lots of articles online on the actions of Zeus and the ‘rape culture’ of Greek mythology. (TW. For discussions of sexual assault)
4. Clytemnestra and Agamemnon
This married couple were mortals but still have equally as much drama as the gods. Clytemnestra was a Spartan Princess, sister of Helen of Troy. Helens husband, Menelaus, asked for Agamemnon’s help in the Trojan war. It turned out that for the Greek army to be able to sail to Troy, Agamemnon had to sacrifice Clytemnestra’s daughter to the Gods. I would love to tell you that Agamemnon was a decent husband and refused to do this, but that is not the case. He tricked Clytemnestra into sending her daughter to him, where she was then killed, but at least that got the Trojan war going. Clytemnestra later gets her revenge. While her husband is fighting in the war, she starts an affair with his cousin. When Agamemnon returns, after 10 years at war, Clytemnestra kills him. We love a Greek romance!
3. Ares and Aphrodite
While these two weren’t as chaotic (and honestly abusive) as Zeus and Hera, they were a couple that did not know the meaning of monogamy. Aphrodite was originally married to Hephaestus, but this was an arranged marriage, and she had always truly loved Ares (the God of War). Ares and Aphrodite began an affair together, undeterred even after being caught in the act and humiliated by her husband. The start of this relationship seems a little romantic, overcoming an arranged marriage in the name of true love, but it quickly dissolves. The two end up repeatedly cheating on one another, before punishing each other and their lovers, and then doing it all over again. On one occasion, Aphrodite punished the Goddess Eos for sleeping with Ares by making her constantly fall in love with mortals.
2. Hades and Persephone
Admittedly this relationship starts pretty badly, but ends up as perhaps the healthiest long-lasting relationship in Greek mythology! By modern standards, this romance essentially starts with a kidnapping. Hades sees Persephone and instantly falls in love with her, so he (with the blessing of good old Zeus) takes her to the underworld. Demeter, Goddess of harvest and agriculture and Persephone’s mother, starves the earth in desperation to find her daughter, forcing the Gods to take action. An agreement is made that Persephone may spend half the year on earth with her mother, and the other half in the underworld with Hades. This definitely isn’t a romantic beginning, therefore its even more surprising that their relationship turns out so well. By all accounts, the two grew to deeply love each other, and they are perhaps the only couple in of Greek Gods that never cheated on each other!
- Eros and Psyche
It is difficult to find any ‘romance’ in mythology that isn’t deeply disturbing when read today, but Eros (Cupid) and Psyche do pretty well. Eros is sent to exact revenge upon Pysche for being so beautiful that people had been worshipping her instead of Aphrodite/Venus. Instead of this, Eros scratches himself with his own arrow and falls madly in love with Psyche. Meanwhile, Psyche’s father is told that she is destined to be married to a horrible beast and so she is taken to the top of a cliff and left to die (not the most logical solution). Luckily for Psyche, she is instead transported by the West Wind to a beautiful house. Here she is treated wonderfully, and every night gets visited by the man who is giving her this life, they have sex and she slowly falls in love with him. The only problem being she is not allowed to look at his face but that is because the man is in fact Eros. This love story isn’t perfect, theres a hell of a lot of trouble generally caused by both Eros and Psyche having pretty bad families, but there is a happy ending. After a tortuous time apart, Psyche is brought to Olympus and granted immortality so that her and Eros can be married as equals and have a child, Voluptas.
If you want to hear more Greek mythology with a feminist reader, I recommend the podcast ‘Lets Talk About Myths, Baby’.