Whether you met recently or have been together for years, navigating a long-distance relationship at university can be tough. I’ve been with my partner for over 3 years, and it hasn’t come without a fair share of complications. Although we’ve done a year apart with him in Australia and me in England, going to different universities has at times been harder than that. There is a lot of pressure on students to engage in hookup culture, be single, and explore university on their own. I remember feeling so different from my single friends in freshers week. It felt like every night out there was pressure to get with someone, and that a lot of conversations revolved around that. Whilst I think that became less apparent as time went on and we took our courses more seriously, it can still be really hard to get through the pressures that university presents to a long-distance couple. These are just a few of the things I’d recommend to make it easier:
Make sure you have absolute trust in your partner
- Before you even agree to a long distance relationship, you should have 100% trust in your partner. Without a strong foundation of trust, there can be a lot of paranoia and anxiety around your partner going out and making new friends. In first year especially, things can get really busy and your partner may not reply to messages for long periods. You need to be comfortable knowing that this doesn’t mean anything is wrong in your relationship, but that it’s a massive time of adjustment. If you’re scared that your partner is doing something they shouldn’t and being disloyal when you’re not around, that’s really not a good sign for the future of your relationship.
Plan when you are next seeing each other
- I always have a date in the diary for the next time I’m visiting my boyfriend or he is visiting me. This gives us a goal to look forward to and makes the times we really miss each other a lot easier because we know it won’t last much longer. It also gives us something to get excited about amongst the more mundane realities of university!
Do something special
- Carrying on from the last point, it’s important that when you see each other you don’t just spend the whole time together in bed watching Netflix. I know it’s tempting but by getting out the house and doing something different, you give each other an amazing shared experience to look back on. Some of my favourite things to do are going to watch a rugby game at the pub (in Exeter my favourite is Hole in the Wall), having a meal at a restaurant I’ve wanted to try for ages (I’m still waiting to try no. 5 and On the Waterfront) or taking a trip to Dartmoor.
Introduce your partner to your friends
- One of the most special things about entering a long distance relationship at university is that you essentially end up with double the friends as you get to know your partners friends and vice versa. Likewise, by getting to know their friends, you learn more about what your partners’ life is like at university. This means you can understand and relate to their stories about university.
Put aside time to FaceTime
- Putting aside time for each other is helpful in ensuring a successful long distance relationship. Share your schedules with each other so you know when you’re busy, and establish a time in advance where you can FaceTime. By planning ahead, you ensure that you both have each other’s full and undivided attention. Don’t go crazy with it though! You don’t want to be the person who’s constantly on the phone instead of present and having fun. Similarly, if you’re always FaceTiming this can mean your partner doesn’t have your undivided attention because you’re doing other things in the background.
Communicate!
- It’s important not to feel completely unaware of what your partner is up to so keep each other in the loop. Any issues that arise, particularly if you’re feeling lonely or ignored, speak to them about it straight away so you can address it and change what you’re doing. I’d really encourage you doing this over FaceTime or Zoom so that you can see other and appreciate each other’s tone and inflections: texting can sometimes make things worse. A lot of the time you’ll find yourself realising that if you were face to face with your partner the issue may not have arisen at all.
Remind yourself of the benefits of a long-distance relationship
- There are so many positives to long distance. The predominant one being the space you get from your partner. This means both of you can explore new hobbies on your own, spend quality time with your friends and develop as an individual. Not to mention the points I’ve previously mentioned, like getting a whole new friendship group and treasuring the time you have together even more.
Remember it’s okay if long distance isn’t for you
- For mine and my boyfriends lifestyle, it really suits us to be long distance: we both love the freedom, and cherish our time together more because of it. Just as some couples thrive with long distance, there are other couples who hate it. Both attitudes are completely understandable and it’s okay if you fall into the second category. It’s always better to do what you feel is right in your gut and be honest with your partner if long distance isn’t working for you.