Adjusting to life without your ex can be tough: some have compared it to drug withdrawal. Love can be addictive – after all, what girl doesn’t want to be told she’s beautiful, be taken out to dinner and brought gifts? It’s when the bad times outweigh the good that you have to ask yourself if it’s really worth it?
Having broken off a long term relationship not long before coming to university, I can say that it’s very easy to be lulled into old patterns. Adjusting to life without someone you’re used to having in it, can cause you to have misconceptions about what the relationship was really like. Therefore, HCX have compiled a five-step guide to working out when a make-up is in fact just a fake-up?
- Good times or good fake memories?
Getting used to being single can be tough, and you will no doubt miss the good times you shared. But if you find yourself reminiscing and being tempted to drop him a text, remember: there’s a reason you broke up. It may not be pleasant, but for every good memory you have, try and remember the bad times, too: going back to him will only start that destructive pattern again. A friend of mine goes by the one-chance rule: if things don’t work out and you want to try again, try it once. But, if old patterns re-emerge, it simply isn’t meant to be.
- Benefits of being single
The freedom of being single is often forgotten about in the aftermath of a break up. One of the first clues I had to knowing my relationship was really over was realising how much fun I could have without having to accommodate for a boyfriend. The pros are endless:
- No need to feel guilty for flirting with that hot guy outside the lecture theatre.
- More freedom to go where you want, when you want, with whoever you want.
- Bumped into previously mentioned hot guy at Timepiece? Now you’re allowed to take things further…Just remember to be safe!
- Relax – with less pressure to look good for a partner, more time can be spent vegging out in front of the TV.
- More personal time: whether this is spent shopping, reading for pleasure, or simply catching up on work.
- Meeting new people
One of the most enjoyable parts of being newly single is the ability to go out and meet new potential partners, and as a student, now is the best time to go out and have some fun! Of course, it’s worth waiting a little while before attempting to move to pastures anew. If you’re a rebound rookie, you’ll want to avoid getting too involved with a new guy, too soon. On the plus side, a casual (but safe) encounter can act as a healthy boost to self-esteem and help you move on.
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- Missing him or missing being in love?
Returning to an ex who isn’t good for you can be a sign of deeper issues – is it the relationship you miss, or being in a relationship, full stop? According to Psychology Today, “Levels of phenylethylamine (PEA) — a chemical in the brain involved in the euphoria that comes with falling in love — rise with feelings of infatuation, boosting euphoria and excitement.” It’s possible those good times have been exaggerated to fit in with fantasies of being in love. A healthier solution would be to fill your life with friends and family who make you feel good, helping you learn to love yourself instead.
- Self-Discovery
Having more time for yourself doesn’t have to be the daunting and lonely concept you may imagine it to be – giving yourself some down time, letting yourself reflect and relax on your own terms, will help with figuring out who you are as a person and what you want from a partner. Doing so will help to establish why things with your ex broke off and what you can achieve from moving forwards with your life as a confident, well rounded woman – something all Her Campus contributors and readers should aspire to be!
Without a doubt, moving on from an ex will never be easy, but by taking the time to consider whether your memories are mixing fantasy with fiction, relishing the plus points of being single and reflecting on how to move forward, you can successfully determine whether or not your relationship was meant to be.
Photo Credits: www.tumblr.com, www.keep-o-matic.com,