As Men’s Mental Health Day approaches on the 19th of November, discussing the culture behind the phrase ‘man up’ feels more critical than ever. It is safe to say that the words are deeply damaging to men; they perpetuate misogyny and reinforce dangerously gendered expectations rooted in decades of forcing men to remain silent, not to be heard, and suffer alone.
First, it’s essential to understand the meaning behind gendered language. It is when language has a specific gender attached to it; sadly, it is usually present in words that denote a single-sex, even when the information being portrayed pertains equally to both. The phrase ‘man up’ is not only gendered but also sexist, as it unnecessarily assigns a gender.
Contrary to what society believes, our strengths and weaknesses are not linked to our gender. History has perpetuated the notion that specific characteristics are associated with gender, but this is untrue. Gender diversity is a rich pool of abilities and values, providing a range of skills and perspectives that greatly benefit society. Both men and women can show compassion, creativity, leadership, and, most importantly, emotional vulnerability.
In 2024, 75% of suicides in the UK are committed by men; suicide is the leading cause of death for men under 35, 12.5% of men have a mental health disorder, and only 30% of men will seek help for their mental health. These figures are startling, especially when we consider those we love. Harmful language, such as ‘man up’, contributes to these shocking figures. When we think about the boys and men in our lives, this language has got to stop.
When you tell a man to ‘man up,’ it’s an example of sexism. It implies that we expect resilience, self-reliance and someone strong in character. There is a deep-rooted stigma around men’s mental health, and it needs to be broken. Deborah Cameron, a feminist linguist at Oxford University, says: “It’s a new expression, but not a new thought. The idea relates to ancient stereotypes about what it means to be a man.” The problem is that language often reinforces masculinity; we’re inclined to use languages and phrases that uphold male stereotypes. By contrast, telling a woman to ‘be a lady’ conforms her to stereotypical femininity, but there is no equivalent phrase like ‘woman up.’ Why? Because men are perceived as strong and women as weak. Similarly, asking men to ‘lean into their feminine side’ suggests that emotional expression is feminine, and if they don’t ‘man up,’ it implies weakness.
The phrase ‘man up’ is not only harmful, but research done by McGale, McArdle and Gaffney also suggests that, for a proportion of men, institutionalised therapy isn’t effective. While one-on-one therapy focused on self-development works for certain individuals, it isn’t helpful for everyone. As a result, men may feel as though they have no other option but to ‘man up.’
This dangerously masculine language of ‘man up’ creates expectations that deny many men a way of dealing with emotion; they won’t seek help or express vulnerability, reinforcing the idea that mental health struggles are a sign of weakness. By saying ‘man up’, we harmfully validate archaic attitudes towards masculinity.
Sources:
https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2013-01394-004