1. Sing extremely loud by ourselves
We all love those songs that are just irresistibly perfect to sing along too. Maybe it’s a rap, or maybe it’s a song from Wicked. Hey, no judgment here. Just make sure the windows are rolled up so that the guy next to you at the red light doesn’t have to listen to the tone deaf screeches that you call singing.
2. Get really bad road rage
Let’s face it, we’re not always as cool as a cucumber. Sometimes that cool flies out the window along with some rude names and the flipping of a certain bird. No need to get too embarrassed; it happens to the best of us. Just make sure it’s not an undercover cop at the receiving end of that rage.
3. Attempt to eat
There’s nothing worse than getting into the car with steaming hot Chipotle in the passenger seat, knowing you have to wait the entire car ride home to it eat. If you’re one of the few who make it home without giving into the delicious smell, congratulations. But if you’re one of us who can’t wait 30 seconds, then you’ll know that trying to eat a burrito while driving is not only impossible, but it’s hideous to look at.
4. Play the steering wheel like a bongo drum
Having a jam session in your car? Driving but still need a fake instrument to play? Look no further! Your steering wheel conveniently doubles as a drum set. I recommend waiting to play until you’re at a red light, but hey, sometimes the beat just gets to you.
5. Cut a car off only to end up next to them at the red light
Some days, we’re just in a rush and all driving courtesy is lost upon us. Slow car in front of you? Easy fix. Cut them off, right? Wrong. Because the light you were trying to make just turned red and you are now parked next to your slow driving enemy. Enjoy the vicious stares!
6. Get stuck while trying to take our jacket off
Driving with a coat on is like being strapped in a strait jacket. Good luck trying to move. So what happens when we forget to take our coats off before hitting the road? We, the highly accomplished multitaskers that we are, try to somehow drive while stripping ourselves of our heavy winter coats. What’s that? You’re arm is stuck in your sleeve and now you can only drive with one hand? Yea, that’s what I thought.
7. Almost hit a pedestrian in the crosswalk
If you walk in front of my car while I’m driving, there is a high chance that I will neither see you nor stop for you. The “Yield For Pedestrians” sign does not mean “Cross When Cars Are Coming”. We’re not taking the heat anymore, reckless pedestrian. The blame is on you.
8. Scream at an obnoxious driver then suddenly realize you know them
Word of advice: identify your road nemesis before any verbal abuse takes place. There is nothing more awkward than screaming and/or honking at a horrible driver and then being faced with the painful reality that they’re your next-door neighbor and you’re both on your way home. That’ll be one uncomfortable block party.
9. Cry your way out of a ticket
Nobody wants to get a ticket, so what’s so bad about trying to get our way out of it? Sure our story about getting dumped by our boyfriend on the same day our dog died may not be true, but the kind officer who’s giving you a “warning” doesn’t need to know that.
10. Try to take a snapchat before the light turns green
If you’re a Snapchat addict like me, then you know how hard it is to go a full car ride without sending at least one ugly selfie. This is why God invented red lights. Where as most drivers see a red light as an inconvenience, we snapping junkies see them as a 60 second blessing during which we challenge ourselves to send as many pictures as possible. Just make sure you continue to drive when the light turns green so that you don’t have a trail of ten cars lined up behind you.
11. Pull up to the drive-through looking absurd
You’re in the need of some food but don’t feel like being seen by the public eye. So, where else is there to go but a drive through? I’m sure you’re thinking “No one will see what I’m wearing if I’m in my car”. Looks like you forgot about the drive through cashier. Not only are they horrified by your birds nest of a bun, but they’re a little creeped out by your Barney pajama pants. Ok, a lot creeped out.
12. Choreograph a dance with your copilot
With your best friend in the passenger seat and the ultimate dance mix on your iPod, there’s no stopping the inevitable dance fever. Somehow, you both have an unspoken dance routine and end up doing all the same moves. When are the Rockette try-outs again?
13. Try to parallel-park in a ridiculously small spot
When it comes to parallel parking, we may overestimate our abilities just a bit. When life gives us an open spot right in front of Starbucks, we take it and disregard the fact that our suburban will leave us with an inch of room to spare between each car. My advice? Go to the parking lot.
14. Give horrible directions to the driver
If you’re giving directions to the driver, you’re expected to be a human GPS. I mean sure, you have the directions on your phone, but sometimes you get distracted by the music or texting or….anything but giving directions. Good luck telling them to make the turn two miles ago. Expected ETA: 10 minutes. Actual ETA: 45 minutes.