Stevie Bowen knows all the ins and outs of navigating New York City’s constantly evolving dating scene. She is the writer of her memoir, The City of Dating, which explores her personal takeaways from her own dating experiences. Stevie is also the founder of her dating advice column and community platform, The City of Dating, inspired by her memoir. This online column focuses on dating tips and tricks, self-love, sex, and friendship.
While scrolling on TikTok, we often come across others sharing their dating tips and experiences through “storytimes” and advice videos. We often hear phrases like “If he wanted to, he would” and standards that others set for first dates or new relationships. Stevie strongly believes that every relationship and person is different. You simply cannot compare your situation to someone else’s because not everyone’s dating rules will align with what you want. Follow your instincts and do what will make you happy, even if that means going against societal norms.
A dating advice column is a valuable resource for readers seeking inspiration and insights into their dating life and patterns. It provides guidance in an environment that can be overwhelming. Reading The City of Dating is also entertaining and intriguing, especially with advice on topics like break-ups, dating apps, and ghosting. The community platform allows readers to submit their own dating confessions and stories, further adding to that feeling of relatability. Whether it’s immediate chemistry or just a really bad first date, we’ve all been there and it’s reassuring that other women have as well.
While Stevie also has taken her platform to social media, her goal is to ultimately have her followers further connect with her through her writing. When discussing her column, Stevie tells me, “I think it’s giving meaning and opening the conversation to the videos I’ve seen online. I absolutely love social media in the sense of it being a positive place to create community, but I think it’s so important to have something written to go back to.” A written column sparks conversation and encourages open-mindedness. It evokes emotions in the reader and provides clarity in a world where we are constantly consuming content.
“We’ve kind of forgotten about the power of the written word,” Stevie says. Her dating column helps others feel less alone in their experiences. It creates a sense of connection and community that validates the emotions and experiences of women.
Stevie also explains how she doesn’t want her advice to be something her readers have to take, but something that motivates them to think deeper. They can implement what they resonate with into their own lives. Everyone’s dating preferences are shaped by their own personal belief systems and desires. The more we learn about ourselves, the further we continue to grow and understand what works best.
Remember, have fun while dating! When discussing first dates, Stevie suggests doing something that is both interactive and casual, like playing pool at a bar or even going bowling. “It lets you be a little bit more relaxed,” she explains. It also provides another subject matter to talk about and builds a sense of encouragement and humor. Creating a fun, memorable experience takes away any pressure and tests the compatibility between both individuals.
Through dating, not only are you meeting new people, but you also get to share authentic and funny stories with your friends. These friendships are just as important as your romantic ones. Discussing relationships, dates, and “situationships”—both the good and bad—can strengthen friendships by deepening trust, providing support, and opening up new perspectives. It also promotes self-awareness. Advice from your close friends can help you gain insight into your own behavior and thought patterns. A friend might be able to point out things that you had not considered before, helping you to become more reflective.
“It’s so important to have those discussions and to get their opinions and insight…I think it creates a deeper connection. You’re being vulnerable,” says Stevie. Expressing your thoughts and sharing your experiences in an honest way is powerful in a society where gender roles and stereotypes are pushed on women. It is a way to go against the double standards and expectations that are placed on single women.
Stevie’s passion for writing is building a positive community for all women discovering the truths of dating and those who are on their own self-love journey. Her writing has also given her the power to reflect and embrace her own personal path and individual growth.
Check out The City of Dating here!