When I turned 20, I thought by 25 I would have my life together. I would have the career, the white SUV, the husband, the dogs, and probably a baby.
I am 29 now, and I don’t have any of that, however, this is the happiest I’ve been with myself in the last decade. I feel comfortable in my skin, in my body, I’ve done a lot of inner work and I moved by myself to another country. What’s more empowering than building the life of your dreams by yourself?
I wish everything had been easier, but in the middle of the uncertainty, the hardship, and the confusion is where I learned these 5 lessons that now I think every woman in her late 20s should know.
- You are not made for everyone, and that’s okay
Some people learn this early in life, but unfortunately, I learned this at 28. To me, moving abroad by myself has taught me so much, but mostly to get to know myself on a deeper level and learn how to honor myself.
At the end of the day, the longest relationship you’ll have in your life is with yourself, and it’s better to have a healthy one, since you’ll probably be with yourself for the next 60 or 70 years.
Getting to know yourself and liking yourself makes you realize that it’s okay if there are people who think you are cringy, annoying, or ridiculous. When it’s all said and done, you are here to love and enjoy yourself. And the right people will love you for who you are, not for who they want you to be.
2. Self-love is taking care of yourself
We’ve seen countless TikTok and Instagram posts about self-love and self-care, and it’s always reading a book, doing a face mask, and enjoying a glass of wine… which is fine! But at this age, I realized that self-love is taking care of yourself and taking responsibility for both your health and your mental health.
Going to the doctor to get regular check-ups, getting tested, and even going to therapy (if you can do it); it’s a form of showing love for yourself, and for the woman you want to be as you grow older.
3. Boundaries: Your new favorite word
I grew up with the “good girl syndrome”, which means I’ve always had a hard time saying “NO” or setting boundaries in my relationships, not only with partners but also with friends and family.
I always wanted to be seen as the “good girl”, the one who loves everyone, the one who is always quiet, never gets in trouble, and is always a lady. But I realized I am not her, and that boundaries are necessary to have successful relationships.
I’m not going to lie, sometimes it’s weird to set those boundaries. But if you don’t set the tone on how you want and expect to be treated, no one else will do it for you.
4. Cool girls have hobbies
I can’t believe I only started to have hobbies when I was about to turn 29, but I am glad I did, because I am loving it. Sometimes we’re so consumed with our lives, our jobs, and our relationships with partners, friends, and family that we forget to have time with ourselves to enjoy something else besides scrolling on TikTok (which is still fun, don’t get me wrong, it’s just not everything).
This year, I experienced a painful breakup, and reflecting on my relationship, I realized I had no hobbies or activities besides being 24/7 with my ex-partner and working out as part of my routine. This affected the relationship at that time.
Now I paint, I do crafts, and do ballet. And every weekend I either see my friends, or take some time to enjoy my own company at home.
This has given me a sense of empowerment and something to look forward to weekly. Also, it has helped me prioritize myself and my own activities, putting me back in a healthy headspace.
5. Don’t be afraid to take up some space
This is my favorite lesson, and it’s one I just learned. Again, behind the woman with the “good girl syndrome” was a woman afraid of speaking her truth and afraid of taking up space.
In a lot of areas of my life, I was afraid of being too much: too loud, too chatty, too excited, too extra when dressing up, and the list goes on. But as I grow older, I realize I was born this way, and what a waste it would be to keep it to myself. So I am slowly learning to not be afraid of taking up space anymore, and it has made all the difference.