Maybe you’ve moved to a big city for college or for a job, or maybe you’ve lived in one your whole life. This is a reminder that if you are feeling lonely, you’re not alone. I am not going to give tips and tricks to go out and meet people or to cope. I think sometimes the best medicine is being able to relate to someone or something that can validate what you’re going through.
I hail from a very small town in New Jersey, and moved to Miami on my own shortly after lockdown occurred and strict protocols were becoming the norm. It was then that I first learned a big city does not guarantee more opportunities and an immediate sense of belonging. Maybe I set myself up for disappointment by expecting that, and so it hit harder to not have anything but myself.
Despite there being more people to meet and more things to do in the city, I felt isolated. Fast forward to now, I have been living in Miami for three years, and I still feel that way sometimes. I have alas come to the conclusion that it is not this city’s fault nor is it my fault that I can get lonely.
In my three years in this big city I have experienced so many spectacular places, met so many types of interesting strangers, and put myself in the position to gain countless opportunities. Yet still, I have found most of those things to be temporary, and that very few of my encounters have lead to long term relationships or long term endeavors. Of course it is still worth the memories, worth the going out, worth the trying.
Those moments with strangers in crowded places feeling content may be as temporary as the gleaming city lights at night, but so is loneliness as temporary as the Florida rain. Not everything needs to last forever or will. One of my greatest epiphanies is how on a large scale, small towns and big cities seem so starkly different, but on a small scale, they are exactly the same.It can be just as hard to find people you relate to in a city with a huge population of diverse individuals as it can be in a town with a small population of similar individuals.
Finding one person in a city who stays in your life for a while might be like finding a needle in a hay stack. The greatest way to kick loneliness in the groin is by being grateful for those you do have in your life. Whether that is just your mom, your dog, and your roommate, that is enough. I am again and again reminded of the luck in quality over quantity of friends.
There is an endless stream of support and love that comes from within. A big city cannot patch a wound that is internal. It is up to you to fulfill yourself and to fuel yourself with those things that make you feel less alone. Maybe consider that this particular city is not meant for you. I promise that there is somewhere that you belong, and it is not always in the places with the most people and things.