Although I am not much of a reader, I would consider myself a frequent user of TikTok. I have to admit, I am probably on that app more often than I should be. I typically use it as just a form of entertainment or to wind down after a long day, but the app does have some pretty decent recommendations. In fact, I was recommended the book, It Ends With Us on “booktok,” which includes lots of content related to discussions around and recommendations for different books.
Honestly, I really enjoyed the book and the way it portrayed the story it aimed to tell. Without spoiling too much, the book follows the story of a young woman named Lily Bloom and the troublesome yet passionate relationship she has with her boyfriend turned husband, Ryle. Lily and Ryle’s relationship seems positive and full of passion at first, but as time goes on it is clear that Ryle is not the kind of lover that he seemed to be and rather is quite abusive towards Lily. Throughout the book there are flashbacks to Lily’s first ever relationship, which was with a boy named Atlas. While following the rollercoaster of her relationship with Ryle, the differences in the way in which Atlas loved her and still loves her are explored.
As a survivor of domestic violence, I find great pride and peace in the fact that authors choose to write about such topics. I resonate with the fact that the author chose to make Lily and Ryle’s relationship similar to that of a rollercoaster, as it is often that abusive relationships are just like that. Many abusive relationships are not full of extreme lows 100% of the time, and this makes it even harder to leave. The positive moments that often take place in the beginning of the relationship (like they did in the book) often rope survivors in and make them fall for the person in the first place. It is often that by the time things get very bad, it is too late because the survivor is already all-in. Once you love someone, it can be very hard to imagine a time where you don’t love them at all.
These up and down cycles happen very often and can become an addictive pattern that makes it even more difficult for survivors to get out of. Moments of abuse are often followed by that of affection, and this can make survivors question the legitimacy of the things they are dealing with. They may think that the situation is not as bad as it actually is or may begin to blame themselves. This same kind of thing happened to Lily, who began to gaslight herself about the things she was dealing with and believed that her husband loved her and would change.
While the book did a great job of portraying domestic violence, there is one thing that I wish it did differently. I would have liked for the book to explore more aspects of abuse and really hone in on the emotional abuse that Lily faced. The book heavily focuses on physical abuse and while this is an incredibly saddening yet important thing to discuss when referring to domestic violence, it is often the only thing that is thought about when it comes to domestic violence. Many tend to view physical abuse as being the only kind of abuse that people face, which overlooks the other ways in which survivors are harmed by their abusers. The book did include other aspects of abuse, but I think really narrowing in on those aspects or having them be the main focus could be beneficial when it comes to domestic violence education.
I also think it could have been beneficial for the book to have this abuse be something that was more consistent or routine, as that is something that often happens. Many women face these toxic cycles of abuse and love multiple times in one day on a regular basis, so something like that would be interesting to explore.
Overall, I think that the book did a great job portraying domestic violence and the ways in which it can take place as well as impact survivors. It is important to remember that this book is just one interpretation of toxic relationships, and therefore is not the sole representation of what domestic violence can look like. While it serves as a guide, it should not be used as a textbook definition. Rather, the stories that survivors have to share can serve as a guide as a whole.