Let’s take a moment to think about our friend group in high school. Think about the number of people that used to be in your group back then. Now, think about the people who are in your group now. See a difference? In my case, most definitely so.
Back in high school, I recall having a large number of friends. There were a fairly large amount of people I kept around and called my “close friends”. I was much more open and accepting of whoever wanted to come into my life. On top of that, I wasn’t really good at selecting the right friends. I let people in and out of my life that probably weren’t the best for me. And of course, all of this is part of adolescence and about exploring different identities that different friend cliques provide.
I’m now in that awkward middle between adolescence and starting my 20s. With experience, I’ve managed to learn how to select friends and be more careful about who I allowed close to me. I currently have a very small fraction of people I really call my friends. If you’re in a similar situation to mine, know that what you’re doing is probably amazing for your interpersonal growth! Here are some reasons as to why I think having a small clique may be better during your crazy 20s.
SOMETIMES YOUR CIRCLE DECREASES IN SIZE, BUT INCREASES IN VALUE
@DULCERUBY
DEALING WITH LESS NONSENSE
I recall being in a bigger group in high school and dealing with just about every type of drama. I was usually the quieter friend who liked to keep to myself. If one friend wasn’t badmouthing the other, rumors were being made up of others to somewhat break up the friendship. These things unfortunately tend to happen a lot in high school. Trust me, I am living proof.
I was always typically the quieter friend who kept to herself. So going from a calm and still life to a drama every other week was something that caught me off guard. The point is, having a smaller group means less nonsense. It teaches you to instead focus on valuing the small group that you’re in. You get closer to all the members in the circle rather than being more engaged with some and then distant from the others in a bigger clique. Having fewer people around is just more comfortable, less problematic, and easygoing.
more time to yourself
You’re in college. You have school, you’re in organizations, and you probably work a full or part-time job, all while having to balance different kinds of relationships in your life. That’s the harsh reality. You grow up and you have less time than you did in other stages. From the homework, projects, and studying, it’s almost like you have little to no time for yourself. You’ll probably start to realize that during this time of rarely having any time, some people are going to come and go. However, your friends will stay by your side. Friends will be understanding of the fact you have a lot of things going on- and will likely not hold a grudge against you just because you couldn’t attend a social event. If they are more concerned about that, then your friend may just be focused on her own priorities instead of giving importance to yours.
Try not to give too much time to people who may not really be worth it. This crunch of time will help you realize that the time you spare for your actual friends will feel very rewarding.
ACKNOWLEDGING there are different kinds of friendships
I can admit that there are different kinds of friendships. You don’t have to weed out every single person in your life who you’re not besties with. Be careful with the kinds of people you let around, but don’t try to “protect your peace” too much.
In my personal experience, here are the kinds of friendships I have:
- Party Friends
- School Friends
- Best Friends
Let’s start with party friends: these are usually friends who you’ll hit up for a casual night out at a bar and gather for some cocktails. These friends are always down to have a good time. You can definitely count on these friends to go to a concert with or to have a fun night out with. However, these aren’t really always people you would consider your “true” friends. These aren’t people you’d usually cry to when something major has happened in your life. These aren’t the first friends you’d choose to share your good news with. It’s good to oftentimes venture outside of your circle and explore different friendships. However, knowing the different limitations and boundaries each kind of friendship has is good to keep in mind so you don’t end up hurting yourself. Make sure their boundaries or limitations apply to you as well and that it is present on both sides.
Then there are your school friends. School friends are great when you want somebody to meet up with you at Starbucks for a good study session. You and this friend may help each other with homework and send each other the answers to questions on an assignment. These usually aren’t friends you tend to hit up to come to your house for a night over. And that’s perfectly fine! Friendships like these usually have their individual roles and are often not mixed with things you do with closer friends.
Lastly, you have your best friends. These are friends you can do absolutely anything with. Whether that be to do homework, study with, have a fun night out, or go to concerts with. These are friends who will be there for you in your worst and best moments. They’ll make sure you’re safe when you’re out having fun. These friends will be understanding and don’t require every second of your attention. These friendships aren’t possessive nor do they feel forced. These friends won’t get angry because you have other friendships. Your best friends are not supposed to make you feel small or insignificant. They hear to heal you and make you feel loved.
Your best friends are people you can go to when you want to share your secrets. These are people you can vent to when you’re having difficulties in other aspects of your life. They’ll actually care about your well-being and want the best for you. These are people you will 100% have a disagreement with at some point in your relationship. However, the last thing they’ll do is badmouth you to your other friends. They’ll likely address the issue with you upfront and fix things in a personal manner.
to sum it up…
I know I went on quite a tangent there. To sum this up, just keep in mind to prioritize those who are real and genuine to you. Not everybody is going to be your friend and that’s fine. Don’t choose a good time for good people. It’s healthy and normal to explore and venture out for different kinds of friendships. However, having a smaller inner circle will guarantee you more realistic and genuine friendships in which you can confide in anything. It’s much less nonsense you don’t need right now and gives you more time to dedicate to yourself.
I hope this helped anybody in a similar situation!
