Do you ever notice how some of the “cutest” couples actually turn out to be the least healthy? Pop culture influences how we view and interpret our relationships, for better or for worse. This constant showing of toxic relationships and toxic people has shifted our new generation, making us seek chaos and drama instead of happiness and stability.
Pop culture is a very broad term for something that encapsulates much more than just music and movies. For many years, celebrities, songs, books, TV shows, movies, etc. have idolized toxicity, even as far as the early 40s with bad boys in gangster movies. The key to making these characters and situations work is that the bad/toxic boy must have some redeeming qualities. If the bad boy was solely “bad” then there would be no point in rooting for him. However, writers for all these media outlets always give the bad boy a tragic past or a secret soft side that swoons the protagonist and the viewers. And just like in real life toxic relationships, people remain stuck in a cycle of abuse because they think deep down, their partner has that soft side or troubled past.
I always hear people saying they need a toxic partner and the stereotypical “bad boy” that we grew up to love. However, the bad boy isn’t always the right boy. It’s hard to hear that fictional characters shouldn’t be the standard, and we shouldn’t try to achieve that sort of “love” under any circumstances. Same thing with music, people forget that anyone, even celebrities, are vulnerable to toxicity. Extreme songs such as Love the Way You Lie by Eminem feat. Rihanna portrays a couple at their absolute worst, giving their listeners insight on how horrific an abusive relationship can really get. So why is it that when we listen to powerful and influential songs, we’re dazed, but when we watch a corny teen rom/com, we root for the bad boy?
Apart from the entertainment, one has to ask if the portrayal of toxic relationships hurts youth, particularly adolescent girls. Many romance novels have captivated the attention of young folks, giving them the impression that toxicity placed into “love stories” and displayed on screens is a normative standard, and is one that should be sought out.
Toxic relationships are idealized because of how they are depicted in the media. For example, they almost always have a happy ending, provide an adrenaline rush to the viewer, and make the villains conventionally handsome, causing the audience to have an inherent bias towards them. People confuse envy with love, therefore toxic relationships are celebrated. There is no reason to allow your desire for a relationship to overshadow the truth if you are being abused, no matter the circumstances.
Especially with Gen Z, toxicity and craziness are the root of many relationships, not love and trust. I’ve seen endless TikToks that state something along the lines of “when you sabotage your relationship because it’s boring” or “i need a toxic girl in my life” and they’re rarely ironic or a joke. This new standard that pop culture has set is certainly dangerous if not deadly, and people should never hope to get the worst out of each other.
Especially to my younger girls still in high school or starting college, please don’t seek out chaos even if that’s what the media has taught you. The point of any relationship is to find the person that loves you for who you are and does not try to change you. If you or a loved one may be in an abusive relationship, please seek help or dial 800-799-7233 for the National Domestic Violence Hotline.