Womahood 101: Otherwise Unnecessary Things I Have to do for my Safety

It’s absolutely disheartening anytime I write about this, as I become more aware of how much I shouldn’t have to take these things into account. No one should. No one should feel unsafe by just existing. But unfortunately, while we discuss and act against it in hopes of creating awareness, we still need to protect ourselves. Not only do we need to, but to be a woman is to not know how to not. It is part of our very essence. Here are just a few of otherwise unnecessary (if I weren’t a woman) precautions I take: 

1. Wear an oversized shirt long enough to cover my behind or tie a long sleeve around my waist when I go on my daily walks. 

Because I do not want to run the risk of being sexualized, cat-called, or harassed while simply trying to take in the fresh air and listen to the birds chirping. When in my neighborhood, too, I fear being stalked by neighbors and potentially being attacked while I’m home alone one day if I am seen as sexy. The more I look like an unattractive potato sack, the better. 

2. Carry my keys in between my knuckles when walking alone. 

In case there wouldn’t be enough time to reach into my bag for the pepper spray. And yes, I would attach the pepper spray to my keychain, but I fear that if I ever am attacked, the attacker would use it against me because I would be too nervous to figure it out before he did.

3. Park my car near the police camera tower at a shopping center’s parking lot.

And then hope that they’re actually functioning. 

4. Call someone when walking to/from my car alone. 

Preferably a man. At moments like these, I’m thankful to have friendships with police officers. I’ve imagined something along the lines of the scene in the movie Taken (2008) where the daughter is shouting out the description of the attacker several times. I’ve thought about what I should shout if it ever happened to me- scars, birthmarks, tattoos, piercings, distinctive denture details like braces, missing teeth, or gaps. 

5. Have my location shared with at least three people back home when traveling.

In case one of their phones stops working or glitches, odds are someone would know where I was, hopefully soon enough, and be able to share it with the police. 

6. Have my headphones on when sitting alone at a restaurant to prevent the possibility of a random approaching me with no other intention but to harass me. 

No, I would not like for you to buy me a drink, and no, I am not in need of a strange man’s company. Unless maybe said strange man was actually trying to protect me from the ones that put my safety at risk but because there is no way of knowing that I must protect myself from all. 

7. Block comments on a swim haul Youtube video from the fear of them being sexual. 

Several months ago, I made a Youtube swim haul video because I’ve had many girls in the past ask me about where I buy swimwear. As a rather curvy woman, it is so difficult to find swimwear that fits right. I totally understood their frustration as I also struggle to find swimwear that fits and wanted to help. So, I made a video for all women on Youtube to be able to find if they were trying to see how swim fit on a person that looked like them before buying. I soon learned why I could rarely ever find try-on swim hauls on Youtube. I imagine the sexualization/the idea of it was too unbearable. I decided to go ahead with the video anyway because women deserve better. To prevent me from being affected by the comments, I chose the option where comments have to be approved by me before showing up under the video. Ever since the first time I tried to, I have my boyfriend look at them instead. 

8. Take a couple of turns before getting on the elevator at a hotel in case someone was following me, whether alone or with girlfriends. 

The first time I ever had to do this was when walking with two of my best friends in Vegas through the first floor of the hotel we were staying at on a regular Thursday. We had been on alert ever since we arrived at the airport, and the back of each bathroom stall door had the human trafficking hotline number.

9. Find the perfect balance between having headphones on to not be bothered when walking alone and not having them too loud to the point where I couldn’t hear the footsteps of someone approaching me from behind.

At what volume can you not hear cat-calls but still hear footsteps?

10. When in a parking garage, park in a spot the closest possible to a main entrance to the establishment. 

Or spend the next couple of minutes walking from the car to the entrance as if they could potentially be my last. Instant anxiety trigger, even when I’m going to grab a green smoothie which is supposed to be something that makes me happy. Midway through the smoothie, I start mentally preparing for the high-alert situation of walking back to the car. 

11. Wear a bra to a doctor’s appointment in case they want to “inspect my breathing” more than the norm. 

This happened to me recently, and maybe the doctor really just wanted to make sure my breathing was okay after I expressed my concerns. However, I couldn’t help but feel uncomfortable when he, before leaving the room, glanced down at my chest and said, “let me inspect you again to be sure” and only inspected my breathing through my front-side but not my back. 

12. Know how to run in heels. 

Pro tip: don’t wear much of a platform because it might make it easier for you to twist your ankle and fall.

13. Not accept a drink unless I saw it being made.

This is a precaution everyone should take, but one that I think groups of women think of more often than groups of men. In a bar or nightclub, women are asked if they’d like a free drink more than men. Although there is a concern of similar magnitude in the LGBTQ community of men, which warrants its own very important discussion. 

14. Put the alarm on when I’m home alone.

Even if all the doors and impact-proof windows are locked. Someone might notice that I’m alone and break in any moment while I’m mid-lecture reading napping. The alarm is loud enough that it would wake me up before the intruder goes up the stairs into my room, giving me enough time to at least call the cops, grab my pepper spray, or if I’m feeling very brave, hide with a glass lamp behind my door to smash on their head. 

15. Pretend to not be home when there is an unexpected knock at the door. 

I’ve definitely done this since I was a pre-teen. I remember falling to the ground if the windows were open in my living room when I was on the couch and muting the TV.

16. Not share my current location on Instagram when posting stories.  

Again, something that everyone should do, but I’m especially more cognizant of when out alone or without any male friends.

Check out my “GNO tips” article for more.

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