Life doesn’t come with an instruction manual and navigating your 20s is scary yet rewarding. Having some guidelines makes the process less overwhelming, to say the least. Here’s a small guide to making better decisions in your defining decade:
1. Not Everyone Will Stay — and That’s Okay
Your 20s—what Meg Jay calls “the defining decade”—are a revolving door. It slowly dawns on you that “forever” fades away and that growing up can be painful. However, it’s also a reminder that some come into your life for different seasons and reasons, while others may even stay forever. You learn to stop forcing permanence on those meant to be temporary and focus instead on how that bond leads to making memories and bringing direction in your life.
2. Boundaries. Boundaries. Boundaries!
You start to realize that self-respect is non-negotiable, meaning you will HAVE to stand up for yourself, especially when it’s difficult. When you view it as an act of love for yourself, you learn that disappointing others or saying “no” isn’t mean; it’s mature. Boundaries protect you.
3. Experiment, Make Mistakes, Learn, Grow and Repeat!
This concept is so important because your 20s allow you the time to take more risks and leaps of faith, be it in relationships, career shifts, or simply with a new hobby. The possibilities are endless, and you will not know until you try them out. Make sure you live this one life with intention, building a future that makes you proud—not your parents or friends, but “you” above all.
4. You’ll Outgrow People — and It’s Not A Blame Game
Just the way growth is not linear, it isn’t always in sync with people around you. Sometimes you’ll look up and realize you’ve grown in a different direction from your closest friends. To accept and adapt to this can be uncomfortable. It’s hard not to feel guilty, but it’s part of life. You’ll learn to appreciate past friendships for what they were and cherish the ones that evolve with you.
5. You’ll Learn the Difference Between Attention and Affection
When you’re younger, attention feels like love. In your 20s, however, you start to see that not all attention is good attention. You’ll crave depth over superficial validation, and you’ll become more selective about who you allow into your inner circle. Affection is steady and sincere and you learn to be more aware of aware of it as you continue to evolve.
6. Friendships Take Effort, But They Shouldn’t Be Hard
Friendships in your 20s get tested by distance, career changes, and “adulting”. The best ones will survive, not because you’re constantly in touch, but because you both make an effort when it counts. You’ll learn that friendships should feel safe, not like a competition for who’s putting in more effort or an obligation to keep holding on.
7. Heartbreak Will Hurt More Than You Expect — But You Survive It
Whether it’s a romantic breakup or a friendship that crumbles, heartbreak in your 20s hits differently. It’s raw, it’s humbling, and it’s unforgettable. But after the tears and overthinking, you’ll realize it’s not the end of the world. You’ll come out stronger, with a deeper understanding of what you truly want and deserve.
8. You’ll Realize People Are Mirrors
The people you surround yourself with reflect parts of you — both the good and the bad. Friends and partners will reflect your insecurities, strengths, and blind spots. The people who challenge you in healthy ways are often the ones who help you grow the most.
9. Love Won’t Always Look Like a Movie
You’ll stop chasing “perfect” love and start embracing real love. Real love looks like compromise, patience, and two imperfect people trying to figure it out together. It’s not fireworks every day, and that’s not a flaw — it’s reality. You’ll learn to value steady love over dramatic highs and lows.
10. The Most Important Relationship You’ll Build Is With Yourself
As cliche as it sounds, your 20s will teach you that the most vital relationship you’ll ever have is with yourself. The way you treat yourself sets the tone for how others treat you. Self-love becomes more than a buzzword. It’s an active, daily practice. You’ll learn to be kinder to yourself, more forgiving, and more patient. If you’re paying attention, you will notice that this will also ripple effect on every other relationship you have.
This list is a great starting point for creating your own instruction manual or guide map to life. It is important to understand that everything should be taken with a pinch of salt and be flexible about the ways but rigid about the goals. While the lessons can be messy and painful, they’re also the foundation for a more intentional and fulfilling life. Embrace the chaos, nurture the connections that matter, and never forget to keep building the most important relationship of all — the one with yourself.