There are a couple of “eras” I would consider myself involved in since I arrived at college. One era I am starting to embrace is my single era– how timely, considering Valentine’s Day just *flew* by! Dish the chocolates, perfume, and roses people and buy yourself a bouquet this year!
WHAT IS A SINGLE ERA? So what is a single era exactly? I would consider the “single era” to be an extended period when one is not in a romantic relationship. In a recent interview with Ms. magazine’s Amy Polacko and Dr. Bella DePaulo, Harvard graduate and author of Singled Out, DePaulo explains that for some individuals, “single life is their best life– their most authentic, meaningful, fulfilling, and psychologically rich life.” The idea of being single in your twenties should not be too radical during these confusing times, and here’s why.
1. GETTING TO KNOW ME
I am at a point in my life where I do not even know what I want and need from a relationship. Though dates and sharing a life with another on an intimate level is extremely amusing; it is unfair to the other if I am not truly engaged due to my self-confidence. Moving through college means figuring out my interests. Instead of filling a void with another human being, I take time to know myself through reading, journaling, trying new things on my own, and understanding my strengths and weaknesses. Solo dates are my favorite method of doing so. There is no shame in taking a trip to a museum, setting up a picnic for myself in a park, or going to a restaurant that my friends and I cannot agree on a time to try out. In this era, I am learning to define myself without the association of another person.
2. DEVELOPING MEANINGFUL FRIENDSHIPS
The additional benefits to individually experiencing new adventures are independence and self-trust. These factors allow individuals to understand their identity and passions– a foundation for networking and building long-term relationships. In my past experiences, connections quickly became stale and stagnant due to a lack of common interests and long-term goals. Developing my network based on these two factors is extremely important in my twenties because it becomes a safe-space to fall back on despite our uncertain life trajectories. In this era, I am learning to grow my friendships with my sports team, campus organizations, rekindle old friendships, and develop new ones through distinctive hobbies.
3. THE FIVE-YEAR PLAN
The truth is: dating is hard in college. Everyone is on a different track to building their professional careers. Gap years, study abroad, full-time internships, and graduate school across the country (or world) are a few examples of plans that romantic relationships can easily influence. It is difficult to balance relationships and build a future version of myself. Plus, for most college students, an unstable income can quickly categorize the dating scene as a financial loss. Your twenties come with many uncertainties about what the future holds, and though bringing someone along for the ride sounds like fun, it begins to feel like a second job I am trying to maintain. In this era, I am learning it is okay to be “selfish” as long as my actions are intended to affect my career positively.
So low and behold the joyous embrace of the iconic single era. My self-love and future is in my own hands and I would not want it any other way– for now.