Every day is a fight. I fight to control my own body and mind. I can tell people what is happening, but I can’t make them understand. I wasn’t always like this, last year I made dean’s list, was in seven clubs, and had a large friend group. This semester I began to deteriorate, slowly at first and then all at once. When I finally was diagnosed it was like everything clicked, but nothing made sense.
I have Bipolar Disorder.
It became hard to do my school work and take care of myself. Sometimes I couldn’t get out of bed to brush my teeth, never mind going to class. Sometimes I feel as though this will dominate my life and I will never be able to succeed in the ways I had hoped before. Even though I have thoughts like this, I have chosen to pursue my goals. I’d like to say I’m the same person, but that’s not true. I have changed, as has everyone else going through college, but the person I have changed into is someone who is strong enough to deal with this.
While this is an extremely hard article for me write, because most of my friends don’t know this and I don’t want them to treat me differently, I know this could help someone else out there who is going through the same thing. You are not alone. You are not crazy. Your emotions are valid. You are strong.
Somethings you may not know about Bipolar Disorder is if you have it you can get ADA accommodations for it. Talk to your school and psychiatrist about what the right accommodations for you are (i.e. extensions on papers, making up missed work, etc). Bipolar develops when you are 18-24 years old, so right when you are feeling the stress of college. Stress can be a trigger for Bipolar Disorder, but it is not a cause. Getting Bipolar Disorder isn’t something you can control, it can be caused by trauma or you can be predisposed to it genetically. Bipolar Disorder does not make a person weak or reflect on their ability to perform any task. Bipolar Disorder is a disability that has to be treated like any other disability, just because it isn’t visible doesn’t make it any less real.
How to recognize the signs of Bipolar Disorder in yourself or others:
* Loss of interest in things you used to have interest in
* Feeling sad or angry without any cause
* Missing homework assignments because you mentally can’t handle it
* Missing class because you can’t get out of bed
* Increased use in alcohol/drugs
* Believing things that you know aren’t true
* Highly irritable
* Room has become messier than usual
* Finding it hard to keep up with personal hygiene like showering or brushing your teeth
* Spending all day in bed
* Bursts of energy like you just drank two cups of coffee
* Talking more than you usually do (becoming a chatty Cathy)
* Sleeping much more than usually
* Mental tiredness
* Insomnia
* Increased anxiety
* Impulsive decisions (not always dangerous can be as simple as dying your hair)
* Feeling disconnected from the world around you, sometimes it goes by fast and sometimes it goes slow
(Not a diagnoses if you believe you or someone you know has Bipolar Disorder contact a professional)
I would like to add some information for people who may be struggling or know someone struggling with this:
Info on Bipolar Disorder: https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/bipolar-disorder/index.shtml
Bipolar Disorder screening: http://www.mentalhealthamerica.net/mental-health-screen/mood-disorder
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline:
1-800-273-8255
Helpful advice for dealing with Bipolar Disorder: http://www.depressiontoolkit.org/bipolar/college.asp