This time last year, I certainly fell victim to seasonal depression. While I struggle with my mental health year-round, I became increasingly aware of the state of my well-being with college decisions coming out, exams in full swing, and a lack of a proper support system. Sure, I was excited for Christmas, but all I could think about was how anxious and trapped I felt and how unsure I was of the future.
I realize now that I shouldn’t have worried so much. Now a freshman in college, I have been the happiest my family has seen me in about six years. Although my depression and anxiety are always in my peripheral vision, they haven’t been the only thing I see. The beginning of the fall semester has been a great time for me to explore who I am, who I want to be around, and what I want out of college.
As we hit the final stretch of classes before the end of the semester, my morale is waning. However, I feel ready to take on the holiday season and keep my mental health my No. 1 priority as it gets darker earlier in the evening and my motivation declines. Here are a few things I plan to focus on as seasonal depression tries to creep up on me.
journaling
First and foremost, I bought myself a new journal. It sounds simple, but before I was just using the singular notebook I use for all of my classes, flipping to the very back, and scribbling whatever thoughts came to mind as a way to release my pent-up frustrations. I realized that this almost made me feel more frazzled, so I decided it was time for a clean slate.
In this journal, I don’t just write about everything that I find is going wrong in my life. I’ve made sure to check myself and write about the things I love about my life too. I’m allowed to be frustrated, but there is too much joy in my life for that to be the only thing I focus on. This has helped me remember to appreciate everything, even if it’s hard to do. I know that I will continue to find peace within myself as I continue to write.
music and reading
Alongside journaling, a solid playlist will always keep me going. A few of my favorite songs for when the weather gets colder are “White Winter Hymnal” by Fleet Foxes, “Happy Xmas (War Is Over)” by John Lennon, “Northern Attitude (with Hozier)” by Noah Kahan, and of course, anything by Jeff Buckley. Sure, “Forget Her” encapsulates a yearning that’s almost pathetic, but I can’t say it won’t be on repeat this holiday season.
Include a lit candle and a cozy book to pair with my music, and I’m set for some time in my own company. It’s important for me to remember that I enjoy hanging out with myself, and reading is something to do that reminds me of that.
friends
While being comfortable by myself is important, it’s helpful to know that I have an incredible group of friends to help me push through this last stretch of the semester. I’ve found a good balance between productivity and leisure, which has been the saving grace for my mental health.
If I have an essay due, I no longer force myself into solitude to get it done right that second. I allow myself to still go out and get food with my friends or chill on Landis because I know I can work on that assignment later that night. My world will not be turned upside down if my routine is disturbed a bit, and I think this is important for me to keep in mind as finals approach.
Last, but certainly not least, I have so much to look forward to. So while, yes, my depression is present, I have so many other things that are too. I’ll get to see my family over winter break and make gingerbread cookies with my sister. I have an appointment to get tattoos with my dad. I’ll have time to go to the beach, get my hair and nails done, and do so many things that make me happy. If it means getting through the rest of the semester to reach that point, I’ll gladly do it.
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