I was scrolling through Instagram when a black-and-white graphic of Selena Gomez popped up on my usually quite colorful feed. The post read that in a vulnerable new interview, Gomez revealed she will never be able to carry her own children.
As soon as I saw the post, I immediately felt my heart sink to my stomach. I can’t imagine what she was (and still is) going through, and I can’t imagine what it’s like for all of the other women who face the same reality. Yet I also thought to myself — it’s weird that this is one of the only times I’ve heard a celebrity talk about fertility struggles. So naturally, my deep dive began. Is infertility just never discussed? Is it pushed under the rug? Do celebrities speak about it, but nobody pays attention?
Fertility struggles come in many shapes and forms. Around 17.5% of the adult population around the globe (around 14% of women in the USA) experience infertility. That is almost 1 in 7 women — a statistic that seems much larger than anything I ever considered.
SELENA GOMEZ
It is no secret that Selena Gomez has struggled with Lupus, a very severe autoimmune disease for which she had to undergo chemotherapy and a kidney transplant. Many know that Gomez has been a loud advocate for her disease, especially after having to cancel a leg of her 2013 Stars Dance Tour to go to rehab for treatment.
In a September interview with Vanity Fair, Gomez opened up about her fertility struggles. “I haven’t ever said this, but I unfortunately can’t carry my own children. I have a lot of medical issues that would put my life and the baby’s in jeopardy. That was something I had to grieve for a while.” When describing her idea of becoming a mother, she said, “It’s not necessarily the way I envisioned it. I thought it would happen the way it happens for everyone.”
While this news made it seem like all hope was lost, Gomez is optimistic about surrogacy and adoption. She made it clear that her journey to motherhood does not end there.
MICHELLE OBAMA
Former First Lady Michelle Obama is known for standing up for anything and everything that she believes in. In her memoir Becoming, Obama opened up about her difficulties in conceiving. “We [Michelle and Barack] were trying to get pregnant, and it wasn’t going well… We had one pregnancy test come back positive, which caused us both to forget every worry and swoon with joy, but a couple of weeks later, I had a miscarriage, which left me physically uncomfortable and cratered any optimism we felt.”
As a loud voice for both women and people of color, it surprised me that almost nobody knew that she had struggled with infertility. In an interview on Good Morning America, Obama continued saying, “I felt like I failed because I didn’t know how common miscarriages were because we don’t talk about them…We sit in our own pain, thinking that somehow we’re broken.”
It was at this point that the Obamas decided to try in-vitro fertilization (IVF), a form of assisted reproduction that can cost thousands and take a long time. They realize how fortunate they are to have been able to do IVF and welcome their two daughters, Sasha and Malia, into the world.
KIM KARDASHIAN
There aren’t many people more well-known than Kim Kardashian. There seems to be a camera on her 24/7, so it’s not surprising that she’s discussed her fertility struggles on many occasions.
While carrying her first child, North, Kardashian experienced preeclampsia, a serious pregnancy condition that can be life-threatening and do serious damage to the mother’s organs. On top of the preeclampsia, North was also born six weeks early, and during her delivery, Kardashian experienced placenta accreta, another serious condition where the placenta grows too deep into the mother’s uterine wall.
Despite these complications, Kardashian did not waver from building her dream family. She knew she wanted more children, so she froze her eggs. Her next child, Saint, was born in 2015, but his birth was almost as complicated as North’s. Kardashian even had to undergo surgery to repair her organs.
After her two difficult births, she chose to find two surrogates to birth her last two children, Chicago and Psalm. Kardashian told The Today Show, “No matter how they came to me, they came to me. I’m so thankful for surrogates.”
TYRA BANKS
Tyra Banks is nothing short of a household name. On the surface, the former America’s Next Top Model host seems to have the world in the palm of her hand, but reality is not as kind. In an interview with People Magazine Banks opened up about her struggles with IVF procedures saying “I’ve had some not happy moments with that, very traumatic moments. It’s difficult as you get older. It’s not something that can just happen.”
She continues, saying “I can remember, I was, you know, doing the rounds [IVF] and stuff and then I create the embryo and I get the phone call, ‘The embryo is not healthy.’ You know, ‘We can’t move forward,’ and just, like, just crazy for me — just really, really difficult.”
I once heard IVF treatments described as a process where the woman becomes a pincushion. Days on days, weeks on weeks, years on years. Banks remarked about her painful times and the thoughts that haunted her saying, “I don’t remember if it was, ‘Am I less than a woman?’ but I remember just thinking, ‘Oh my god, I waited too long, like, why did I do this?’”
All of her IVF came to a head when she finally birthed her baby boy York in 2016. Banks and her boyfriend Erik Alsa were ecstatic, to say the least, and every needle suddenly became worth it. “I think I’m lucky, you know, I did it for about a year and a half and some women do it for years and years and years…I think if I waited six more months I would not have him [York].”
What you may not realize, is that the list doesn’t end with these famous celebs. Others include Nicole Kidman, Jordana Brewster, Rachel Sullivan, Dylan Dreyer, Whitney Port, Lena Dunham, Gabrielle Union, Jane Seymour, Emma Thompson, Céline Dion, Mariah Carey, Chrissy Tiegan, Rachel Bilson, Jade Roper, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Maria Menounos, Idina Menzel, Olivia Culpo, Jennifer Aniston, Britney Spears, Kourtney Kardashian, Lea Michele, Rebel Wilson, and Courtney Cox — just to name a few.
It’s time to put the spotlight on this issue affecting more women than we can comprehend. Through love and support, we can lift each other up and add comfort to a stranger in need.
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