Making new friends can be intimidating for anyone, especially if you’re shy. While you may crave meaningful connection, the typical advice to “just put yourself out there” can feel completely unrelatable, like being asked to jump into the deep end while still figuring out how to swim.
The good news is you don’t have to be the most outgoing person in the room to form genuine, lasting friendships. You can be shy and social, and you can absolutely find your people without pretending to be someone you’re not. Here are my favorite ways to break the shyness and put myself out there!
- Embrace the shyness
-
First, remember that shyness isn’t something to be ashamed of. It’s only a feature of your personality and could even be considered a gift. Once trust is established, shy people are often quite loyal, considerate in conversation, and excellent listeners. Therefore, consider your quiet nature a strength you can rely on rather than something you need to “overcome.”
Changing who you are isn’t the aim. The goal is to create an environment where your true self is accepted, seen, and safe!
- seek out smaller and more intentional spaces
-
Let’s face it: if you’re naturally reserved, big social gatherings or large events might be daunting. Starting with places that feel more controllable is helpful, but it doesn’t mean you have to avoid all social engagement.
Seek out settings that promote connection in a more relaxed manner. These settings help you establish a connection with people right away, which facilitates and normalizes conversation.
- Practicing low stakes connections
-
Small acts of openness go a long way, but you don’t have to tell your whole story to establish a connection. You can do this by bringing up a recent challenge, something you’ve been working on, or even just something you’re enthused about at the moment. Being vulnerable doesn’t have to be dramatic to build trust. It might be straightforward and silent.
Shy people tend to wait for others to initiate contact. However, even a tiny act of kindness, like asking someone how their weekend was, complimenting them, or sending a brief note to check in, might lead to something more.
- Focus on quality, not quantity
-
If you’re shy, you probably don’t need a massive circle of friends to feel fulfilled. It may be enough to have one or two meaningful relationships. Concentrate your efforts on those who truly connect with you, those who make you feel comfortable and seen, rather than attempting to go everywhere or meet everyone.
- Be patient and embrace the awkward moments
-
Building trust and connection doesn’t happen overnight. For shy people, especially, forming new friendships is usually a slower, more layered experience, and that’s completely fine. Feeling uncomfortable when attempting to make connections with new people is common, especially if you’re shy.
You may overanalyze how you come across or worry that you said something incorrectly. It’s alright. Even the most self-assured people make mistakes from time to time. I try to view those moments as a necessary part of the process rather than as a reason to be hard on myself. To be loved or accepted, you don’t have to be flawless.
Overall, you don’t need to transform into a social butterfly to find a real connection. You don’t need to be loud, outgoing, or always “on.” You just need to be yourself! Being shy doesn’t mean you’re not social. It just means you approach connection differently and, often, more intentionally.
Want to see more HCFSU? Be sure to like us on Facebook and follow us on Instagram, Twitter, TikTok, and Pinterest!