20 Ways to Find Self-Love in 2020

If you were to list all of the things that you love, how long would it take for you to get to yourself? Self-love is something that a lot of people – myself included – struggle with; but it’s a new year, which means a new chance to grow, change and learn. Learning to love yourself is a long journey, but here are a few things to make it a little easier: 

1. Start Every Day by Telling Yourself Something Positive

Waking up every day, looking in the mirror, and saying something positive about who you see is a great way to put a little bit of happiness into your morning. Talk to yourself the way you’d talk to another woman you love. The more we say something, the more we tend to believe it. 

2. Don’t Believe Everything You Think

You are your own worst critic. Do you ever look in the mirror and hear a little voice in your head call you ugly? Or do you ever mess something up and that same voice calls you an idiot? Well, that voice is just that: A voice; nothing more. Take a moment to direct those negative thoughts into something positive: “I am beautiful.” “I am smart.” “I am enough.”

3. End All Toxic Relationships

They’re only holding you back. 

4. Treat People with Kindness

Y’all have heard that Harry Styles song (and, if not, what are you doing?), so why not follow it? Treat people with kindness and you’ll find a little kindness along the way. 

5. Play in the Gray

What I mean by that is that life doesn’t live in black and white. It’s never, “If I’m not this then I must be that.”Get comfortable with living in the gray and stop stressing about fitting yourself into a box. 

6. Practice the Art of Saying “No.” 

You are not obligated to do anything you don’t want to do. Learn to say no. You don’t owe anybody an explanation. 

7. Dress Up – or Down – Just Because You Want To

You don’t need a reason to wear that pretty new dress and some red lipstick. Similarly, you don’t need a reason to wear sweatpants and an oversized tank top with last night’s mascara around your eyes. You don’t need anybody’s permission to dress how you want to. 

8. Buy Yourself Fresh Flowers

I know it’s cliché, but there’s a reason for that. Bring some light and color into your day and treat yourself to just a little something special. If flowers aren’t your thing because they die so quickly, get a new succulent instead; they’re easy to take care of. Just revel in the beauty of having nature in your home. 

9. Stop Comparing Yourself to Others

Sunsets and flowers look absolutely nothing alike, but you would never go, “Oh, that one’s so much prettier than the other.” They’re both beautiful, unique forces of nature. And so are you. 

10. Realize That Beauty Cannot Be Defined

There is no one way to be beautiful. Beauty isn’t just long, flowing blonde hair and a skinny waist. It’s also not just curvy hips and red lips. It’s also not just an athletic figure with muscles and a tan. It’s also not just…. you get the point. What we see on Instagram or in Vogueis not the only way to be beautiful. 

11. Try New Things

It’s good for the soul. Who knows what interests you’ll discover?

12. When Someone Compliments You, Simply Say “Thank you.”

I’m going to get real for a moment: As women, we are conditioned to divert the attention away from ourselves. If we have too much attention or accept too many compliments, we’re vain or arrogant or, in the worse cases, a b*tch. Therefore, when someone says, “You’re really pretty,” we divert the attention to someone else by turning the compliment on them. Next time someone compliments you, try just saying, “Thank you.”  

13. Make a List of Things You Want to Do and Post It on Your Fridge

And actually do them. If you’re like me, you make lists upon lists of things you want to do and then you don’t do them. How ridiculous is that? Go out and make new memories doing things you love. 

14. Smile

I know we’ve all heard the old, “You’d be prettier if you smiled.” (Ugh.) But really, smiling is proven to actually lift your mood and the mood of those around you. As Psychology Today put it, “you throw a little feel-good party in your brain.” 

15. Give Up the Need for Approval

“You can be the ripest, juiciest peach in the world, and there’s still going to be somebody who hates peaches.” — Dita von Teese

16. Practice Physical Affection

Hug your friends. Kiss your significant other all over their face. Cuddle your cat. Hold hands with your sister. Even something small, like resting your head on a friend’s shoulder, can improve your mood and spread just a little bit of happiness around you. 

17. Forgive Someone

You can’t hold anger inside of you forever. It wraps tight around your heart like a coil and won’t let go. I’m not saying you have to forgive everyone – some people have done some pretty awful things. But try to let go of that anger and let yourself be free. 

18. Forgive Yourself

You are enough. 

19. Be Patient, but Persistent

Self-love does not happen overnight. Be patient with yourself when you fall, but never stay down.

20. End Every Day by Thinking of Three Good Things that Happened That Day

Even at the end of a really terrible day, think of at least three things that made you happy that day. It doesn’t have to be something huge; something as small as seeing a dog on your way home is something that made you happy. Doing this allows you to stop focusing so much on the things that went wrong and instead diverts your attention to the things you love. 

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