There are many things that mark the coming of Fall: the yellowing of the leaves, the crisp air, a suddenly busy social calendar… but none of these get you quite in the spirit of Halloween quite like perusing the Internet for all of the ridiculous costumes that companies come out with to help their patrons both celebrate Halloween and be sexy.
While there are many ways to sex up your favorite characters from your favorite shows, books, and movies, there are also some “sexy” costumes that just should not exist. Here is a list of the costumes that I found most gob-stopping, hilarious, and just plain wild:
1. Sexy Fake News
Courtesy: Yandy
It is amazing to me that such a horrifying concept has been made into a costume that is actually for sale. Why be a Disney character when you could be a thinly veiled threat against our first amendment rights? The real alternative facts here are that this costume is sexy and a good idea.
2. SWAT Team Babe
Courtesy: Yandy
Forget clowns or ghouls, dressing up as the SWAT team is the real way to scare everyone attending the same Halloween party as you. I personally don’t know one person who doesn’t like to be reminded of the many times SWAT teams around the nation have come to peaceful protests in full riot gear while innocently bobbing for apples.
3. Sexy Ken Bone
Courtesy: Wired
While the description for this costume simply states, “Sexy Undecided Voter” anyone who watched the presidential debates last year recognizes the red sweater that belongs to a man who can be described as anything but sexy, Ken Bone. This costume is the epitome of not needing to exist. This costume is so ridiculous it might just be my Halloween costume. I can’t decide if the best part of this costume is the fake mustache or the red sweater vest crop top, they are both perfect.
4. Sexy Jon Snow
Courtesy: Yandy
You know nothing, Jon Snow… about how to wear an outfit that is easily replicable for your female fan base to wear on Halloween so instead they are stuck with this travesty that closely resembles tying a thousand-year-old rug around the neck to cloak the four inches of leather being used to cover the important bits. This should not exist. This costume just makes me sad. And makes me miss Game of Thrones… 2019, really?
5. Sexy Nemo
Courtesy: Yandy
This is another sexy costume that just makes me sad and makes me long for my childhood. There is absolutely nothing sexy about a Pixar film where a clown fish gets lost at sea. It’s just sad. I’m just going to keep swimming… far away from this costume and probably towards a vampire costume because I am boring. But at least I won’t be trying to be a sexy fish.