The day The Super Mario Bros. Movie came out, I was first in the theater to relive my favorite childhood video game series. From Rainbow Road races to Oscar-worthy power ballads, I am ready to see a Mario cinematic universe in the future. But watching the movie got me thinking: what if these characters were FSU colleges? Warning: mild spoilers ahead.
Bowser – The College of Music
First up we have our favorite villain: Bowser. Obviously, he would be the College of Music. I think it’s amazing that they made Bowser (voiced by Jack Black) canonically good at piano and songwriting. His song “Peaches” has gone viral since the movie’s release, and has tugged on many people’s heartstrings, including my own.
Mario and Luigi – Jim Moran College of Entrepreneurship & The College of Arts and Sciences
Next, we have the titular hero and his brother: Mario and Luigi. It’s safe to say Mario would be the Jim Moran College of Entrepreneurship while Luigi would be specifically psychology in the College of Arts and Sciences. Mario’s go-getter attitude helped him start a booming plumbing business with his brother in New York and helped him assist Peach in saving the Mushroom Kingdom. Meanwhile, Luigi tried to help Bowser cope with his feelings the entire time he was captured and was an incredible support system for Mario throughout his journey.
Princess Peach – The College of Health and Human Sciences
For Princess Peach, she’s a good fit for the College of Health and Human Sciences. During Mario’s brutal training sequence, Peach pushes him to complete the obstacle course and to eat countless mushrooms (which we learn he never enjoyed eating) for powerups. Along with being a skilled fighter, athletic training, and exercise physiology are right up her alley.
Toad – FSU-FAMU College of Engineering
We also cannot forget our Mushroom Kingdom residents. Toad would likely be the FSU-FAMU College of Engineering. His monster truck favorability leads me to believe that he sometimes bites off a little more than he can chew, and even gets overwhelmed on Rainbow Road because of it. However, Toad is very versatile, making him a great companion for Peach. Meanwhile, the Toad councilmen in the Mushroom Kingdom are best suited for the College of Education. They possess good interpersonal skills when discussing war strategies and serve as responsible advisors for their princesses.
Donkey Kong and Cranky Kong – The College of Communication and Information and The College of Social Sciences and Public Policy
Moving to the jungle, we have Mario’s enemies-turned-allies Donkey Kong and his dad Cranky Kong. Donkey Kong would be the best fit for the College of Communication and Information while Cranky Kong would be the College of Social Sciences and Public Policy. Even though Donkey Kong is not the best at getting his point across, his subplot in the movie is about him learning to communicate his new public image to others. As the king of the jungle, Cranky Kong’s politically inclined brain comes into play upon meeting Mario. He allows Mario to duel with his son to put on a show for the possibility of allying with them to defeat Bowser.
Koopa Troopas, the Shy Guys, and Kamek – the College of Criminology and Criminal Justice, The College of Law, and The College of Social Work
Bowser’s allies include a variety of FSU colleges. The Koopa Troopas are best suited for the College of Criminology and Criminal Justice, the Shy Guys would be the College of Law, and Kamek would be the College of Social Work. The Koopas are loyal and fight fearlessly for Bowser, successfully capturing a great number of Mario’s allies. The Shy Guys are similar to the Koopas but do not go outside as much (bracing myself for law students to come after me). Kamek, Bowser’s right-hand turtle, helps the villain capture the Super Star and more importantly helps him through his social problems in flirting with Peach.
King Bob-omb and King Boo – The College of Motion Picture Arts and The Dedman College of Hospitality
Meanwhile, Bowser’s regal allies add in two more FSU colleges. King Bob-omb is the best fit for the College of Motion Picture Arts while King Boo would be the Dedman College of Hospitality. King Bob-omb’s explosive nature makes him suited for the big screen and explains his friendship with the equally-artistic Bowser. King Boo basically runs Luigi’s Mansion with the Shy Guys and Dry Bones, making him a Dedman superstar.
The Luma and the Penguins – The College of Nursing and The College of Business
Finally, we have the captive characters in this movie: the Luma and the Penguins. The Luma is most likely the College of Nursing and the Penguins would be the College of Business. As a captive, the Luma drives the others insane through out-of-pocket negative thoughts, likely due to mental exhaustion. The Penguins, who have guarded the Super Star for a long time, is a determined and steadfast group until brought up against Bowser’s army.
So, there you have it. I know some characters were left out because they were not in the new movie as much (justice for Yoshi), and some colleges were left out too. All jokes aside, you should watch the Super Mario Movie if you’re a nostalgic gamer like myself. Meanwhile, I will be impatiently waiting for a Legend of Zelda movie.
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