I have incredible music taste. I’m sorry if that sounds conceited, but unfortunately, it’s just a fact of the universe. The grass is green, the sky is blue, and I have exceptional taste in music.
I also have a very specific taste in music, but that’s neither here nor there. In fact, my music taste is so great that I have created my dream (read: never going to happen) festival lineup as a wonderful music starter pack.
Day One
Okay, picture this: on day one, we show up at the festival. First up: Lizzy McAlpine. Because that’s how I want to start every day of my life. She will play all of my favorite songs, regardless of how long it takes. She will play “orange show speedway,” and it will be the highlight of my life.
We also have Noah Kahan, and — unlike when he performed at the Civic Center in Tallahassee — I will be in the front row. In a perfect world, he’ll play both “You’re Gonna Go Far” and “Paul Revere,” and I will cry at both.
He’ll also play “Maine,“ my favorite song from Cape Elizabeth; ideally, everyone will know all the words. When he plays “Call Your Mom,” he’ll bring Lizzy McAlpine back out because, as we all know, the duet version of that song is superior.
Gracie Abrams will perform all my favorite songs. She’ll play “Feels Like” because everyone deserves to experience screaming that song surrounded by their best friends. She’ll play “Difficult” because it was my surprise song when I went to see The Secret of Us Tour in Atlanta, and I need to hear it again.
She’ll also play her unreleased song “In Between” and then apologize for the obvious mistake she made by not including it in the deluxe edition of her album, which was released Oct. 17.
She’ll then say that (of course) she’ll be releasing it right now because she absolutely didn’t mean to leave it off in the first place. The crowd will go wild! I’ll stream it fifty times that night.
Hozier headlines day one. He could play anything from his entire discography, and I’d be pleased. I’m absolutely obsessed with this man’s music, and everyone else should be too.
Day two
Day Two features a boygenius set that features both their best group songs and highlights from everyone’s individual careers. I need a set that includes all the hits.
We need “Night Shift” by Lucy Dacus, “Televangelist” by Julian Baker, and “Waiting Room” by Phoebe Bridgers. They’ll play ”Afraid of Heights,” and I’ll be screaming along while also sobbing violently. They’re also going to play “Bite The Hand” because I need to hear it live before I die. That’s non-negotiable.
Because this is my music festival and I make the rules, I’m including my favorite smaller artists as well. Taylor Bicket will perform, and she’d be incredible. And then everyone will understand why I am obsessed with her.
Isabelle Pless will go next, and everyone will be overwhelmed by her lyrical prowess. I promise you would like her work if you like this kind of “sad girl indie pop” music.
Olivia Rodrigo headlines day two because I deserve to see her live after not getting tickets to either the GUTS or SOUR tours. I need it so bad.
Day Three
Sabrina Carpenter is headlining day three. She will perform my favorite songs from all of her albums. And I mean all of her albums.
As long as I have any say, we will 100 percent be listening to tracks from Eyes Wide Open and EVOLution. “Thumbs” is incredible and needs more appreciation. If you don’t understand now, you can come to my festival, and then you’ll understand!
Chappell Roan will be performing her classic festival set with all her best songs and at the end she’ll announce that she’s officially releasing “The Subway.” I need this song more than anything for the rest of my life. If we get one thing from this festival, let it be that.
Ethel Cain will perform Preacher’s Daughter from start to finish, and we’ll all sit there and listen to her. There will be no talking, and you will enjoy it.
Reneé Rapp will perform all her best songs from both her second album, Snow Angel, and her first, Everything to Everyone. Reneé Rapp is not only a phenomenal artist but an incredible performer. Every video of her live performances makes me more desperate to see her live.
Leanna Firestone, my favorite artist in the world, will take to the stage and it will be incredible. I’ll end the set in tears regardless of what she plays. But in a perfect world, the set will include her newest single, “Becoming Unbecoming,” and my favorite track off her first album, “Poppies.”
Maybe she just plays the entirety of Forward / Slash from start to finish.
I hope you all enjoyed my dream festival that’s never going to happen. If you’re unfamiliar with any of these artists but interested in what their music is like, feel free to check out some of their work in my overly-long festival playlist. Who knows, maybe you’ll discover your new favorite artist!
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