“Isn’t that the hookup app?” is what my mother said as I was facetiming her one afternoon of my sophomore year as I was recounting a tinder date gone wrong my roommate went on. Sensing the judgment from my mother I failed to mention that I too was on the popular “hook up” app. The truth was, I had been on and off the app since my freshman joined the app within the first few weeks of the fall semester, not really knowing what I wanted from the experience. I didn’t feel like I wanted or even needed a boyfriend, and I personally wasn’t too keen on one-night stands. I totally respected those who wanted that, but that never truly felt like me. I like knowing someone fairly well before I can commit to such intimacy. Either way, I signed up for the app and as I look back, maybe it was the idea of making such a large campus smaller, or maybe it was being able to explore my newfound independence.
Within my first few weeks on the app, I found myself with over 100 matches and juggling replies. It sort of felt like a weird game. I would reply and then the match would not reply back, or I would take a while to reply and then suddenly the person would unmatch with me, and of course, there were the instances where neither party sent the first message and the match would sit there, slowly being forgotten. With all this going on, I had no idea where to start since no one checked off all the qualities I was looking for right away. A handful of guys offered to take me out on actual dates, so I figured I’d get out of my comfort zone and see if I could really get to know one of these people. I decided to go with the guy I saw had similar music taste as me, so I knew I would have a talking point on the first date. We had been messaging for about a week before we met up for ice cream. The date went sort of how you would expect, one word: awkward. I figured all first dates from tinder would probably start off like this, so I shook it off and planned for another. Long story short we talked for a few months and more awkward dates and one bad hookup later we officially unmatched with each other on the app and stopped talking. It seemed he only wanted one thing and to be fair I was not too sure what I wanted either.
I was on and off Tinder for the next year or so, not committing to going on more dates because I was afraid of getting into the same situation of meeting someone who was only looking for a hookup. Was I wrong to think I was going to find someone that was just trying to “vibe” as I put it back then? I would remind myself that this is probably just how it is in a college town. Sophomore year rolled around and I had not been on tinder all summer since I was in my hometown for the majority of the break. I made a new tinder for the school year, and upon making a new account, I saw many of my former matches. This time around I decided to be pickier and felt I was ready to find someone I enjoyed being with. I was not trying to rush into any sort of relationship, but I was not closed off to the idea of finding a potential boyfriend. I thought it’d be a long shot to find a match who checked off all my qualities and had the same intentions. After a couple of weeks of this, my new mission seemed hopeless. One night when I was out with my best gals/roomies, a pretty attractive man approached me. Turns out we had matched on Tinder before, but I wasn’t aware of that fact till later. We barely talked since the music was blasting and pounding, we exchanged snaps and parted ways shortly after. He hit up my Snapchat a few times, but it would only be around 2 a.m. When I saw that first “heyyy” with three Y’s I knew exactly what he wanted. I hadn’t had any luck with my tinder mission so I thought that maybe this could have been a sign. Maybe I should try the hookup culture. My friends have experience and they always seemed fond of the concept. I was always told college is about trying new things and finding yourself, so I thought maybe I could enjoy this new experience.
I planned on responding to the next Saturday 2 a.m. Snapchat, but my roommate and I were talking in our living room one random Thursday or Friday. Suddenly she goes “ooh Vanessa look at this guy” and she proceeds to send me some random guys Tinder account. I skimmed through the account and was certainly interested right away. I was not only attracted to this guy, but he dressed stylish and get this: his anthem was Paul McCartney’s “I Don’t Know” which is a song I had on replay every day since I discovered it a few days before! I thought that this seemed a little too good to be true, so I instantly swiped right, and it was a match! I was excited enough to send the first message, which is something I rarely did. He messaged back hours later and I was excited, but I also had my reservations. I started questioning if I should pursue my original mission for my sophomore year or switch to the new hook up plan. As crazy as it sounds, I didn’t message him back for two more weeks. I was so overwhelmed with classes and I did not want to add any more stress of trying to sort out what to do. The night I messaged him back was a night I randomly saw the hookup guy! I saw the hookup guy and knew I had an opportunity to pursue, but I had a feeling in my stomach that this wasn’t who I was. I thought I was crazy to not have messaged the other guy back! I opened Tinder right away and messaged but gave him my Snapchat and number this time. Thankfully he replied.
We ended up snapping and texting every day and a week and a half later we went on our first date. We got acai bowls and I was so nervous, but he also seemed nervous. It was awkward at first, but once we started talking, we didn’t stop. We eventually left the acai place and found ourselves on a bench nearby. We talked for hours and we both discovered our mutual love for The Office. Once we realized the time, we both said we had to leave to do a quiz. From here we realized we were both in the same econ class. At this moment I thought wow what are the chances of that! We went our separate ways, no kiss but you could tell we both enjoyed the others company that night. We continued messaging that night and started planning our next date a few days from then. After about the third or fourth date, I had the realization that I really liked this guy. He not only possessed every quality I was looking for, but he had so many other additional qualities that really made me drawn to him. It really hit me as he sang along to his favorite songs in the car, with no care of how he sounded or how silly he might’ve looked in front of me. So, as he dropped me off from our fourth date, which happened to be the same night we kissed for the first time, I did something I never saw myself doing: being bold and expressing my feelings for this guy. I told him I had deleted my tinder profile because I had no interest in anyone else. Then to my surprise, he replied by saying he had stopped using the app for a few days because he felt the same way. It was at this moment I knew I found someone special. After we both said goodbye to the thing that brought us together, we started ~officially~ dating a few days after that. I was asked to be exclusive in Chipotle, which is every guac-lovers dream!
Courtesy: Vanessa Valles
Eleven months later and we’re better than ever. When people ask how we met, I get the same response of “oh wow really?” It makes me wonder why Tinder has such a reputation for being a hookup app when it’s truly a dating app. Somehow, we used the way the app was intended to be used. It makes me wonder if the stigma of it being solely a dating app really only applied to college towns such as Tallahassee. Was it like this in smaller cities? Maybe in bigger cities? This whole experience showed me that you can find love or any sort of happiness in the least expected places. If you think Tinder is only for hooking up, I suggest signing up because you never know who you can meet, it really helps make a large campus smaller.
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