I’m what my child psychology professor refers to as a “closeted introvert” (no, it is not a professional term). When surrounded by friends, I’m talkative, bubbly, and ready to meet new people. But surrounded by strangers, I’m quiet and reserved. It takes me some time to come out of my shell. I need a minute to myself to relax and process.
When I started my four years at Florida State, making friends was hard. I didn’t have a support group of close friends to lean on and had to go about forming a squad all by myself. It seemed impossible and terrifying. But here I am, little Freshmen, to tell you that it is totally possible. You will find friends, I have no question about it. And hopefully, by the end of this article, you’ll be a little less afraid of that search.
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Join clubs
For fellow introverts, this is the safest (and honestly best) way to make new friends. Everyone in a club is there not only because they are interested in the club’s topic, but because they want to make friends too. In that environment, it’s easy to form a squad. I have met a good portion of my friends through club activities. Forced socialization can be hard, and ice-breakers can be even worse (how am I supposed to know what color crayon I am?), but this is a really great place to start forming bonds.
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Talk to people
Courtesy: Corinne Newbegin
The dreaded first step to meeting anyone is talking to them. If you’re in class and you hear someone talking about something you’re interested in, or perhaps a question is asked that you know the answer to, engage with them. It seems scary to just turn around and strike up a conversation, but once you’re in it, things won’t seem nearly as bad. Most people will not be angry about you contributing to a discussion. Obviously, if someone looks upset or the topic seems personal, try another time, but if not, offer your opinion or advice.
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Ask for people’s contact information
Let’s say one of those impromptu butt-ins referenced above leads to a nice chat. So many times, that conversation comes to a close and you go your separate ways. If they’re in your class you’ll see them again, but if you’re at an event or something, that might be it. If you find you really enjoyed talking to this person, ask for their Snapchat, their Facebook, their number, their carrier-pigeon, or whatever you use to keep in contact with people. This is something I fail to do too regularly, and I know I’ve missed some cool relationships because of it. Social media is a great way to stay connected with people, and a great way to get to know them better.
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Ask people to hang out
This is something I’ve always struggled with, but it was especially bad my freshman year. For some reason, when I don’t know people well, I’m afraid to ask them to hang out. I think it’s in part due to a fear of rejection, but also due to not wanting to be a burden. I’m afraid that people will say yes simply out of some false sense of obligation. It’s similar to how I feel about asking people for rides or asking someone to help me with something. But if you don’t ask people to hang out, they might not ask you because they feel the same way. Friendship is a two-way street, and if you don’t put in the effort, they won’t either.
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Go someplace new–
It’s easy to just return to a place that you feel comfortable, but sometimes we need to do something outside the box. Go to that new club. Go to that weird art show. Go to a party. You might find that you like a certain crowd or vibe you had no idea you were into—or, you might find out you don’t like it at all. But if you don’t go, you will never know and you won’t have a new experience to laugh about later.
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–But don’t be afraid to say no
Courtesy: Confessionistt
Doing new stuff is important, but as an introvert so is doing nothing. While I’m the type of person who hates to be a burden, I’m also the type of person who has a hard time saying no. I’m a lot better at it than I once was; I no longer feel a wave of guilt for declining an invitation, but it can be difficult to overcome. Sometimes going out when I thought about staying in turned out to be good for me and I really enjoy myself. However, we generally know when we really do need a break, and forcing ourselves out the door won’t change that. If you know you won’t have a good time, politely decline. If you’re so afraid of confrontation that you can’t decline, make up a lie about not feeling well (generally I would say avoid lying, but sometimes it’s a necessary evil). Don’t have a bad night just because you’re afraid to hurt someone’s feelings. A good friend won’t guilt you for wanting a little me-time.
Even though the title of this article is aimed at Freshman, you don’t need to be one to implement these things in your life. These are things that I have worked on all through my college years, and things I will continue to remind myself of. Whether you’re a first year, a sixth-year student, or a suburban mom, there is never a bad time to live a better, more open life.