Long-distance relationships are not for the weak. Nothing has ever challenged me more in my life. However, nothing has ever made me flourish this much either. I started my freshman year of college only six months into my relationship, and we recently celebrated our second anniversary. I’m a completely different person than I was when we started dating, but I’m better. For any girlies hesitant about starting a long-distance relationship (LDR) or struggling in one currently, here are some tips, tricks, and lessons I’ve learned.
Lesson No. 1: Love yourself, express yourself
When people say communication is key, they’re not playing. Being confident in myself and my needs enough to voice what I wanted was a game changer. I was never a self-reflection journal kind of girl, but once I started making an effort to get to know myself and the things I like and dislike, it made a world of a difference. My partner can’t read my mind (unfortunately), so I have to meet him in the middle.
Aside from expressing myself, self-love was so important. Regardless of how perfect a relationship is, without trust and respect, it’s a goner. Having faith in myself and my boundaries helped me address any issues that came up, giving me so much security in my partner. The journaling girlies got me, and now it’s me and that silly pink Target journal against the world.
Lesson No. 2: Use the World Wide Web
If you haven’t looked up “Fun things to do on the phone with your partner,” are you really even in an LDR? When all you have is a screen, you have to get creative with how you spend quality time together. I love personality-type quizzes, so I bought 3000 Questions About Me by Piccadilly, and we’ll usually fill in the answers together when we call. For those chill nights, we’ll pull up Scener and start a TV show together. I finally understand the Catan hype now, too. It’s so addictive and the best interactive game to switch things up. The Official app is my all-time favorite recommendation. You can send and receive love notes, answer daily questions, take quizzes, and get more intimate too! (It’s free, but the Premium is so worth the try.) Don’t underestimate the power of a good old-fashioned FaceTime call, but use the Internet to your advantage!
Lesson no. 3: Couples who eat together stay together
I love food. You’ll never catch me saying no to a dinner date, so I wasn’t ready to give that up when we went long-distance. Although it seems basic, having video calls where we just sit, eat, and talk is invaluable. It can be as simple as grabbing Chick-fil-A and a study room so I can talk uninterrupted. Or we make it fancy and have each other on call while we make your own dinner. It’s exciting to try out a new recipe and enjoy it together. There are no rules, just quality time and some good food.
Lesson no. 4: Take the Love Language Quiz
I wasn’t playing around in lesson No. 1; I think knowing yourself is probably one of the best things to establish when you’re in a relationship. The Love Language quiz was designed for anyone to understand how they best receive love. This taught me that not everyone wants to be loved the same way I do, but everyone wants to be loved. Even though I’ll eat up a paragraph about how amazing I am, my boyfriend prefers to simply spend quality time with me. Being selfless in love means you can love others to the fullest extent, and they can give you the same love back.
Lesson no. 5: Prepare to change
The biggest, and perhaps most difficult, lesson I’ve learned in the last year and a half of long-distance is that I have to be okay with change. Since our relationship depended so much on communication, I knew I’d have to face my toxic traits and bad habits head-on. I love the person I’ve become since taking the time to grow and heal. It’s not only made me a better girlfriend but also a better daughter and friend. In the words of Heidi Priebe, “To love someone long-term is to attend a thousand funerals of the people they used to be.”
My long-distance relationship is the healthiest and happiest I’ve ever had. It’s pushed me to be more creative and independent, but I still get butterflies before we see each other every weekend. The distance is hard at times, but the benefits of growing alongside the love of your life are worth every mile.
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