From a young age, I’ve always been enamored by the passionate love stories I’ve read in classic novels. With every turn of a page, I was fully immersed in the story where the male leads were chivalrous and gentlemanly, saying and doing the most romantic things to win over their female counterparts. These timeless classics warped my perception of what fictional love looks like versus the current state of dating. The differences in how the men in the following novels and men in the real world treat and talk about women are jarring. Sit down and grab your coffee as I break down some of the most intimate stories ever written and compare them to dating in the twenty-first century.Â
jane eyre by charlotte brontë
One of my favorite classics that demonstrates the multifaceted, zealous connection between two lovers is Charlotte Brontë’s Jane Eyre. Brontë’s lead characters — Jane and Mr. Rochester — have clashing personalities and are from drastically different socioeconomic statuses, making the times that they are forced to spend together filled with tension and awkwardness. Yet, after learning more about each other, they are able to engage in authentic and intellectual conversations, leaving them both wanting more.Â
The esteemed Mr. Rochester is willing to give up anything to be with Jane. During their chat in the cozy drawing room of Mr. Rochester’s dark and mysterious Thornfield Hall, he claims, “I would always rather be happy than dignified,” showing how he’d put her above the disapproval he may face from other elite members of society and how willing he was to go against societal expectations.
Moreover, Mr. Rochester shows his vulnerability when proposing to Jane under the moonlight of his secluded garden. He grandly expresses, “I sometimes have a queer feeling with regard to you — especially when you are near me, as now: it is as if I had a string somewhere under my left ribs, tightly and inextricably knotted to a similar string situated in the corresponding quarter of your little frame.” The grace and sophistication in his choice of words are sweet and passionate, leaving Jane with no doubts as to his love for her.Â
pride and prejudice by jane austen
The novel that encapsulates romance the best, however, is Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice. Austen set the scene for the two protagonists — Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy — to fall in love in the most Elysian locations. They flirtatiously banter as they stroll through the quaint shops of Meryton. They dance under the translucent chandeliers of the Netherfield ballroom, surrounded by men in their tailored suits and cravats and women in their empire silhouette dresses with silk gloves. They walk the ethereal grounds of Pemberley, Mr. Darcy’s estate while taking in the natural beauty of the little stone bridge over a meandering stream that led to his grandiose Elizabethan mansion. But the most significant moments come from Mr. Darcy’s spoken affirmations of love.Â
Mr. Darcy’s evolution from a prideful aristocrat to an honorable and compassionate man is best demonstrated by how he communicates with Elizabeth. Although he’s brash and keeps his distance from her when they first meet, he inevitably falls for Elizabeth as they spend time discovering more about each other. In his proposal to her at Rosings Park, he declares, “I cannot fix on the hour, or the spot, or the look, or the words which laid the foundation. It is too long ago. I was in the middle before I knew that I had began.” He continues stating, “In vain I have struggled. It will not do. My feelings will not be repressed. You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you.” Although it took him a while to express himself, the way he talked to and about Elizabeth reveals the passionate love he has for her.Â
today’s dating scene
Dismayingly, this is a stark contrast to the current dating scene.Â
Forming connections with people around campus may prove to be an issue. Between dodging all the motorized scooters that fly past you on your walk to classes and everyone being preoccupied with their phones, it’s challenging to strike up a conversation. Attempting to make small talk with the guy you sit next to in class is difficult when the only responses you get are “Yeah” and “Mm-hmm.”Â
Alternatively, you could jump on the growing trend of dating apps when looking for a partner. Last month, I decided to create a Tinder profile to see what all the hype was about, and let me tell you, it was nothing like the passionate love presented in classic romance novels. I know, shocking.Â
The second you join, you’ll quickly learn about the stereotypical subsections of men who are on the app. One of the most common I came across was the guys who posed with a dead animal. You have no idea how many pictures of fish I’ve seen in the last few weeks. It’s enough to last a lifetime. Other men featured on Tinder include the workout guys, mirror selfie dudes, pretentious music hippies, and frat boys. Most of the men included pictures with their pets, which I actually liked because who doesn’t love looking at cute dogs all night?Â
Instead of the heartwarming quotes spoken by the male protagonists in the aforementioned novels, you’ll find a plethora of not-so-sweet bios or messages on Tinder. Here are a few of my personal favorites:
- “Need 5 dates for fratlina the 23rd.”
- “i give great D.”
- “i have commitment issues so hmu for a fun couple weeks.”
- “I like long walks on the beach and one-night stands.”
How romantic.Â
There’s also an emptiness and superficiality that comes with spending days swiping through profiles. It’s very similar to when you stare at Instagram for too long. You’re seeing the best, most exciting pictures of people, which may not paint an accurate picture of the true essence of who they are. On top of that, the main factor contributing to whether you swipe left or right on a person is their physical appearance. The whole thing feels very shallow and unfulfilling.Â
That being said, there are guys who are looking for genuine connections around campus and on dating apps. However, the busy lifestyles of college students and the introduction of technology that attempts to simplify the dating process have made it difficult to find people who do more than the bare minimum. Although old-fashioned romance seems to be dying, I see friends all around happily dating and have faith true love can still be found. So, go out, have a good time, don’t settle, and find your own Mr. Rochester or Mr. Darcy. You’re worth it!Â
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