Growing up, I was constantly told that saving yourself for marriage was the proper thing to do and up until eighth grade, I believed that having pre-marital sex was a sin. As I have grown older, my views have changed and I have grown out of that belief; however, I continue to believe in love before sex.
Our parents and grandparents grew up in a very different generation with contrasting societal norms, expectations and opinions. During that time, it was frowned upon to have sex before marriage as love, sex and marriage used to go hand-in-hand. That generation often viewed sex as an intimate connection between two people in love. Although, love did have somewhat of a different meaning back then compared to how it is viewed today. No one called it “the nasty” for a reason.
Love is a feeling. The feeling of surrender, of letting your guard down and never wanting to leave your significant other’s side. Many people do not have the correct mindset when it comes to love, and they tend to convince themselves that they have found it. People with this mentality are usually confused, looking too hard for love while trying to find themselves. Most girls picture their perfect relationship and first time to be with someone they love and when that special connection is never there to begin with and those firsts are gone, everything falls apart. Our generation has a different outlook on both sex and love. It is now common to have sex at an earlier age without being in love. It is easy for someone to say that they will wait until they find “the one” or fall in love or even wait until marriage but when societal pressure and hormones mix, that concept is lost.
Speaking to my friends about their personal experiences has allowed me to realize that most girls feel pressured to “get it over with,” especially in their first serious relationship. If you have that mindset, most of the time your relationship with that initial person will never be comfortable because, as the girl, you might regret rushing into things and not following your gut. However, the girls who wait for the right time or meet someone and fall in love, state that their experiences have been considerably better. Being in such a vulnerable state with someone you love and trust provides safety and comfort and overall, allows for a more special connection.
I believe that one’s decision to lose their virginity highly depends on their self-worth, what they perceive as love and how badly they are willing to stick to their beliefs. Our society has altered the image of sex to be something of lesser meaning and emotion. In college, many people lose their virginity to fit in and that concept has become normal. However, it is not as normal to wait until your mid-twenties or even later to find that love before having sex for the first time. Our generation seems to be in somewhat of a rush to mature and start adulting. We need to stop and think about the true meaning of certain situations and make our own rules instead of conforming to societal norms.
Love and sex are both complicated concepts in themselves and society tends to affect how we perceive them. Although something might seem to be normal, no one should feel the pressure to rush a special moment. At the end of the day, nobody needs to know those specific and intimate details about your life. Following your heart and sticking to those personal beliefs will overall make for a happier you. Â
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