The views expressed in this article are the author’s own and do not represent the views of Her Campus FSU.
An older—sometimes attractive—man gives you a monthly allowance (for me it ranged from $300-$3,000 a month) to spend on whatever you like in return for your company and time. It sounds nice, right? It’s a “mutually beneficial” relationship. It will make things easier for you while you’re looking for a job. A Sugar Daddy/Sugar Baby relationship is frowned upon, but it’s constantly talked about it between friends.
It’s always a “what if…” or “what do you think about?” conversation because we know we would never search for this kind of relationship, so we just fantasize about it. There’s nothing wrong with being curious about the Sugar Daddy/Sugar Baby world, reading success stories or even searching up websites. It’s a glamorous world, at least the ones who are in it present it that way.
Courtesy: fm.cnbc.
However, in my opinion, it’s just a subcategory of prostitution.
When my interest in finding a Sugar Daddy began to grow during the summer, I wasn’t wearing rose-colored glasses when I began searching for one. Did I read articles from other Sugar Babies? Sure. But, I honestly took them with a grain of salt. Would having a Sugar Daddy make life easier? Of course it would. But was it worth it? Honestly, in the long run, it’s not. There’s an expiration date, it’s not stable and the chances of meeting a real, honest man who isn’t a scammer is very low.
There are many reasons why some young women would want a Sugar Daddy. Some may be struggling with money because they’re in school, in debt or simply just wanted to make easy money. No reason is better than the other and I’m not writing this because my experience wasn’t a success. I’m writing this to show the reality of making this choice. It’s not a bad choice, however, it’s one that shouldn’t be done spontaneously.
The reason why I wanted a Sugar Daddy was so that I wouldn’t have to worry about spending money. During the summer semester, I barely had enough money to eat, sometimes only eating a handful of nuts and berries for the entire day. I didn’t want to ask my parents for help since they were struggling with their own financial problems, so in my mind, it wouldn’t hurt to seek help from someone else who was willing to give me their money.
I knew I was making an impulsive decision, but I honestly didn’t care. I just wanted an easier way to get money so that I could enjoy my college life. So, I made a profile on SeekingArrangements.com one night and waited.
That’s when I received a message from Chris. He was a 45-year-old business owner and it helped that he was attractive. His hair was light brown with strands of white spread out neatly, gorgeous brown eyes, a well-kept beard, and a charming smile.
His message was sweet and straightforward, so I responded. It wasn’t an instant connection, yet our conversations were easy and warm. Chris seemed genuinely interested in getting to know me, so it was easy for me to become comfortable with him. Since he lived in a different state, we texted each other every day, from the moment I woke up until I had to go to sleep.
I was his princess; his little girl and he was my Daddy. I wasn’t sure if I was going to like using that title because it’s weird. And yet, knowing that it made him happy being called Daddy, it strangely made me grow to like it too. When we finally began negotiating, I was excited because I finally had a Sugar Daddy. He offered me $400 a month in return for loyalty and attention. So, I disabled my Seeking Arrangements account to prove to him that I was serious about our developing relationship.
There was never a want or need to have more than one Sugar Daddy, I was perfectly okay with the $400 a month. And it felt easy to agree to his terms because he wasn’t demanding dirty pictures or videos of myself. I had no second thoughts about making this choice.
And it was great.
At least in the beginning. Then things started to take a strange and dark turn.
I wasn’t allowed to use my allowance the first few times because Daddy told me that I needed to do a couple of things for him first. Mind you, the phrase “mutually beneficial” came to mind and since we weren’t able to meet in person, I felt like I needed to help him in other ways. So, going to CVS and purchasing iTunes gift cards for him was simple. But, sometimes it wasn’t so simple for me to complete this task because I didn’t have a car and Daddy didn’t like being told “no” or “I can’t do it right now.”
It didn’t take much for Daddy to get angry and even though our communication was only through text, I admit that I was intimidated and scared when I began reading his angry text messages. The last thing I wanted to do was make him unhappy because he was already doing so much for me and I would apologize to him, telling him why I couldn’t take out the money he sent to my credit card. But he didn’t care.
He sent messages telling me how much of a disappointment I was, that I was stupid, unwilling to make him happy, and that I was going to pay. Instead of reporting him on Kik or even deleting the app like I should have, quickly requesting an Uber to go to CVS and get the gift cards. As soon as I told him I was on my way, Daddy was happy again. I knew in that moment that I had to end it and I tried, but he was so good with words that it wasn’t hard for me to fall for him again.
Despite the anger and death threats, I decided to give him another chance. And another. And another. And another.
Here’s the thing, there was a part of me that knew I was in an unsafe situation. And that the longer I stayed the harder it was going to be for me to get out. It’s not like I didn’t have anyone to talk to, my friends and my sister knew about him. They just knew the good things I told them. I justified staying in this situation because he was only aiming those threats at me; it was only affecting me. It was my problem and I had to put up with it.
Days later, after he asked me to send money to his friend and I told him I couldn’t do it, the threats that were aimed at me switched to my family. Reading those texts about him wanting to hurt my family in front of me was the opening I needed to get out. My own feelings didn’t matter, hearing back from my bank telling me that I should stop talking to him wasn’t enough for me to stop, but the thought of my family being brought into this mess was something I could not have.
I didn’t send him a final message, I just stopped talking to him. And I admit that it was hard at first because I do remember the good moments. While they were only a handful, they were still good moments.
Even though I knew exactly what I was getting into, it was still easy for me to be manipulated by some random dude that I met on a website. I’m grateful that I stopped talking to Chris—if that’s even his real name—when I did because I honestly can’t imagine how much worse it would have been for me if I continued to do what he wanted. I’m owning up to the mistakes that I made because that’s the best way for me to learn from it.
There’s nothing wrong with wanting and even looking for a Sugar Daddy because I honestly get it. But, don’t fool yourself into thinking that you’re going to be a success story. Do not let newsletters and other Sugar Babies experiences make you think that every Sugar Daddy out there genuinely has your best interest at heart.
If you or someone you know is in an abusive relationship, here are some resources that you can reach out to for help.
- National Domestic Abuse Hotline: 1-800- 799-SAFE (7233)
- National Resource Centers of Domestic Violence