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My Favorite Color Is Pink: My Journey to Embracing My Queer Femininity

This article is written by a student writer from the Her Campus at FSU chapter.

When you grow up pretending to be someone you’re not, the person you really are almost seems to fade into the background. While I won’t bore you with the details of my coming out story, you should know it wasn’t until college that being queer was part of my identity rather than a piece of myself I desperately tried to conceal. Finally being able to openly be myself was great in theory, but I didn’t even know who that person was after hiding her for so long. I had the opportunity to reinvent myself and figure out what parts of my personality were authentic versus what was just a well-played act. 

In high school, embracing every part of femininity was part of the act. My hair was always perfectly done, my nails were long and painted, and I wore just the right amount of blush and mascara. My favorite color was pink. I was the girliest of girls. I thought that if I was interested in what every other girl was interested in, no one would know that I had something to hide, and it worked. I played the part well, almost too well. 

When I came out in college, it was a shock to everyone. “You were so girly in high school” is a phrase I know all too well. I constantly felt the need to prove myself to everyone around me: to prove that I was “gay enough.” Rejecting femininity was my way of claiming my sexuality. You would never find me in a dress, much less anything pink. This isn’t to say I didn’t enjoy wearing makeup, painting my nails, and wearing dresses, but rather that this new version of me couldn’t like those things. That’s what I thought at least. I strayed so far from all the things I used to love. While I was more myself than ever, I didn’t feel like my outward presentation matched my true self. I was still putting myself into a box, just a different one. 

I can’t pinpoint when exactly I started curling my hair, painting my nails, and wearing dresses again, but only then did I feel authentic. Although embracing femininity helped me play the part in high school, it was something I always found comfort and joy in. I’m not the same person I was in high school just because I paint my nails and do my hair the same way. I don’t use makeup to cover parts of myself that I don’t want others to see. Instead, I embrace my femininity as a queer woman.

My favorite color is still pink, not because I’m trying to be someone I’m not, but because I’ve learned to embrace the person I am. Nothing about me has changed since I came out, yet everything has. I do not put myself into a box just to fit a certain stereotype anymore. Instead, I have learned that my femininity and queerness can coexist. 

Now I wear pink dresses, pink nail polish, and pink blush. My favorite color is pink, and I feel more myself than I ever have.

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Kayleen Jenkins is a Staff Writer for the Her Campus at Florida State chapter. Beyond Her Campus, Kayleen manages the social media content for a running events company, Relevant Running. She is currently a junior at Florida State University majoring in Biology with a minor in Chemistry on a Pre-PA track. In her free time, Kayleen enjoys cooking, painting, and playing with her cat, Nala. She loves to spend time in nature and is a huge adrenaline junkie. She is a Friends expert and can proudly quote the series.