For many people, Valentine’s Day is a time dedicated specifically to people in relationships and their partners. Everyone posts on their social media pages about how much they love their partners and how grateful they are to have them in their life, but what about those who don’t have a partner to spend Valentine’s with?
I am truly very happy for people who are in stable, healthy relationships during the holidays and hope that one day I might be in a place where I can celebrate the season with someone. But as someone who has never experienced a romantic relationship and classifies herself as a “hopeless romantic,” I can’t help but feel lonely every Valentine’s Day. Thinking about my lack of romantic experiences and comparing it to some of my friends’ experiences makes me question the purpose of Valentine’s Day, and what it says about our society in general.
With everyone’s social lives publicized for hundreds or thousands of people at once through social media, it has become easier than ever to compare my lifestyle to others. Social media has become a platform to share the details of your personal life with others, and many opt to post their significant other online for Valentine’s Day. When I see romantic posts dedicated to a significant other, I am happy for the couple, but I also think about how I don’t have a partner to share the season with. However, when thinking about the role of media in how someone sees themselves reflected in it, a lot of comparisons tend to arise.
I distinctly remember watching the movie Twilight one day and thinking about how teenage romance is not only glorified, but the subject of nearly every movie made for young adults. In the movie, a young Bella Swan falls in love with a vampire named Edward Cullen. Despite many hardships, they are married, have a child and love each other for eternity. In another teen movie called 10 Things I Hate About You, Patrick is paid to date Kat so that her younger sister can date someone else, but her sarcastic personality and his charming ego cause the two of them to form a connection. After discovering that Patrick was paid to date her, Kat becomes infuriated and she delivers an iconic poem, revealing her true feelings for him. They reconcile, and Patrick helps her take the first steps toward achieving her dream of starting a rock band.
These two movies are examples of teen romance being a central focus in movies, delivering a message of communication and encouraging the building of healthy relationships. With such a strong focus on this topic, people who aren’t in relationships may feel excluded and lonely when considering their relationship status. When I watch the movie Hairspray, I am happy that Tracy and Link work through their differences to have a healthy relationship. But, it also reminds me of how I don’t have someone to share that strong connection with, at least not in the same romantic context.
During most of the year, the romantic lives of others can be easily ignored, but on Valentine’s Day, it becomes impossible to avoid how lonely I feel when others seem so happy. I have come to dread Valentine’s Day and many students who aren’t in relationships feel the same way. Some of them believe that people should honor and respect their spouse all days of the year and not just specifically on Valentine’s Day. Others have completely given up on finding romance, rejecting Valentine’s Day as a whole to distract from loneliness.
Valentine’s Day is most known for its celebration of love for others, but this year, I recommend a celebration of self-love. Self-love requires processing difficult emotions that probably weren’t fully expressed before but can grow into independence and empowerment with time. I am still processing and learning to love myself during this time when all I seem to think about is the relationship status of others.
Young love is beautiful and should be cherished by the few who are lucky enough to find it. But, as Valentine’s Day approaches and most people will spend the day without a partner to post on social media, I remember those who spend the day waiting for their perfect romance. I like to think about the perfect person walking into my life at the perfect moment and feeling empowered to embark on the adventure of life with them someday. But until then, my Valentine’s Day ode is set on learning to love myself before I’m able to love others with the fullness of respect and dignity they deserve.
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